


planning for the day i sweep you off your feet (i'd never leave you alone)

by ImJustLikeMe



Series: the only broken-hearted loser you'll ever need [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Babies, Drama, F/M, Family, Fluff, Gen, Marriage, Romance, most of the 100 cast makes an appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-14 06:40:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 42,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5733307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImJustLikeMe/pseuds/ImJustLikeMe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bellamy!”<br/>“Octavia! What are you doing?”<br/>Before the girl could answer Bellamy was approaching the kitchen. “What’s up?”<br/>“Clarke is nervous because she doesn’t know how to stop just being a fuck buddy and be an actual girlfriend,” Octavia told him easily.<br/>Bellamy raised an eyebrow at Clarke but she just whined and dropped her head to her hands.</p><p>-:-<br/>Sequel to 'you can me could be forever (perfectly perfect together)' in which Clarke doesn't know how to relationship.<br/>Also: life happens as time goes on.</p><p>Title from Magazines by Brand New</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so finally I have the sequel out. I don't think anyone really cares if they got one? But I had ideas, then storylines kept injecting themselves into my head and here we are. 
> 
> Again, this is being split up because it's long and yeah.  
> I'm actually not even done with it? I'm mostly done, but I thought if I got this out and received good feedback it would make me want to finally finish it off, then post it.

Something became very clear to Clarke right after she and Bellamy got together: being _in a relationship_ with him was completely different from being his best friend and fucking him semi-regularly.

It had been everything she wanted for so long, but actually having it be a thing was _weird_. Clarke had been so used to their fucked up non-relationship that she didn’t exactly know how to make the transition. It didn’t help that Bellamy had never had a girlfriend before either, at least none that she’d ever seen, so she didn’t know how he was in a relationship.

The notion seemed simple, but—

Was he touchy? Would he want to cuddle when they weren’t alone? She wasn’t used to touching him in public. How did he feel about holding hands? If she sent him her usual annoying/sassy tests or weird snapchats of things she found funny or reminded her of him was she being clingy or was it okay? Friends were allowed to be annoying and pissy, no one wanted an annoying girlfriend.

So Clarke did what she did best: ignore the situation.

Which, when thought about, didn’t make much sense really because this was what she had wanted for years. Bellamy was finally hers, completely, he’d opened his heart and was vulnerable and perfect—everything she’d wished for since she was seventeen.

Clarke was ecstatic of course, but beyond nervous and anxious and, well all they had done since get together was have sex (so much sex), but she knew how to do that with him. It was everything else that was new and made her feel off-kilter.

With her intentionally being so busy and him super involved with the Army right then all they had time for was the sex because they only saw each other at night. They literally went at it until she practically blacked out (it was fucking amazing) and then they had to part in the morning for responsibilities (which worked out well for her avoidance).

No more than a few days into their relationship and Clarke felt like she was irrevocably fucking it up because she was acting like nothing had changed when _everything_ had changed. 

During the end of the week when everyone was planning to head over the guys’ house for dinner and the normal bullshit and she didn’t work Clarke knew it was time to face the music. It wasn’t like she hadn’t talked to Bellamy since they got together, that would be so fucking awkward, they just hadn’t really _talked_. That was never their strong suit.

“Why are you being so weird?”

Clarke jumped about three feet away from the stove to turn and look at her best friend. Somehow she was elected to make dinner so she made the only thing she rarely burned—spaghetti. “I’m always weird?”

“Not this weird. You’re a different kind of weird, an unendearing kind. Stop it.”

“I don’t think ‘unendearing’ is a word, O.”

“Then stop being it. Did something already happen with Bell? Is he being a bad boyfriend? I will cut his balls off and make them eat them. What did he do? Tell me.”

Clarke stepped back as Octavia intensified. “He didn’t do anything! Calm down, crazy.”

“Is that the problem? Do you want him to do something? What is it? I can’t help if you don’t involve me when he’s being an asshole, you know, more than usual.”

“Octavia, nothing is wrong with me and your brother so seriously you need to chill.”

“Then why are you being weird? You’re jumpy and awkward in a bad way and so, so weird.”

“Yes, you established that thanks. Repeating it is helping a lot.”

“Well what’s wrong then?”

Bellamy’s laugh echoed through the kitchen and she bit her lip while looking down at her nails just so she didn’t have to look at his sister. “ _I’m_ wrong. I’m awkward and weird and nervous. Fuck, why am I so nervous? He’s my boyfriend.” She laughed to herself and scrubbed a hand down her face. “Bellamy is my boyfriend and I’m so anxious about it I could literally throw up right now.”

“Clarke…I don’t get it. You and Bell are perfect together, why are you so—not happy?”

“I’m happy!” she insisted and nodded repeatedly at her best friend, now looking her straight in the eye so she could see how honest that statement was. “I’m just so afraid I’m fucking it up because all we’ve done since we got together is have sex, fucking amazing sex. I mean, like, mind blowing and he tells me how much he loves me and I melt and— _fuck,_ he could go down on me for hours. I love him so much that it scares the hell out of me because it’s such a big change but I don’t know how to change it to be, like, a normal thing. I feel like I’m messing everything up.”

Octavia rolled her eyes and groaned. “I thought after he spilled his guts you guys could be adults about this. Is that so hard to do? You’ve been together for a week and you haven’t _talked_? What the hell?”

“I’ve been busy! Anya is up my ass and I have an art exhibit to finish like now and he has Army post-deployment shit and I don’t know!”

“Okay, I’ll help you if you don’t ever talk to me about my brother and your sex life ever again? That’s what Raven is for.”

“What are you going to do to help?”

“Promise first.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Fine I’ll tell Raven how good your brother is in bed from now on, but that means you’re going to be left out of a lot of conversations, you know. Sex is very important to me and you’re brother is like—“

“Gross, stop, you just promised. Now here is what you’re gonna do. Bellamy!” she called out of the kitchen.

“Octavia! What are you doing?”

Before the girl could answer Bellamy was approaching the kitchen, still adding something to the conversation he was previously having, a smile on his face and a hand running through his hair. Clarke’s heart began to thud in a longing sort of way. Something about him in dark colors did wonders for her. Why did he have to wear a black t-shirt and dark wash jeans?

Did they have to talk? They could just fuck their problems away. That was definitely the way to handle this.

“What’s up?” he questioned, the smile still plastered on his face.

Ever since he’d told her everything it was like he wasn’t harboring all that guilt and the weight of the world. He was lighter, more easy-going, but still a dick in his own way. It was adorable really.

“Clarke is nervous because she doesn’t know how to stop just being a fuck buddy and be an actual girlfriend,” Octavia told him easily.

Bellamy raised an eyebrow at her but she just whined and dropped her head to her hands.

“And apparently I have to do everything for you two so let me walk you through this: you talk about it. Both of you look at me.” Octavia literally pulled on Clarke’s hands so she would. “Talk to your boyfriend, your boyfriend who would literally do _anything_ for you. And you,” she looked to Bellamy, “comfort her. Don’t just have sex and think it’s solved. Jesus, you guys are horrible. Lord help me when you think about marriage. I’m going to go drink copious amounts of alcohol. You two are literally driving me to drink and I’m still technically underage for another seven months even though I don’t act like it. I hope you’re happy.” And with that she was gone.

Bellamy didn’t say anything, just gave her a stare that being in the Army only improved because it made you _want_ to crack. She would not hold up well under torture if Bellamy was doing the torturing. Actually she preferred when he did the torturing, sexually at least.

“I suck at being your girlfriend! One week in and I’m already being needy and annoying. I’m being stupid, I know, so stupid. We don’t even have to talk about it. We can just…fuck right here on the table. I’m up for it, even with everyone out there, that’s how stupid I know I am being. Or, you know, there is the pantry? That’s probably be better because Octavia is right in the other room and—“

Bellamy cut her off with a kiss. It was one of those deep kisses that was all teeth and tongue and made her feel dirty in the best way. God, she loved these kisses. Making out was one of her favorite things because Bellamy knew how to turn her inside out with just a good fucking kiss.

When he pulled away it took Clarke a moment to blink her eyes open and recover. “The p-pantry?”

He kept his hands in a cradle around her cheeks. “We’re not going to fuck this problem away, Clarke. We can, however, celebrate how adult we are by fucking later, okay?”

She just nodded. That seemed fair.

“I know you’ve been weird, I was just waiting for a moment to actually talk because every time you come over it’s close to midnight and you just jump me on sight. Now I’m a guy so my other head was thinking and my priorities got skewed.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t say sorry; never say sorry for immediately undressing when you see me. Actually, I’d prefer it.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, but sagged into his body.

“You’re not my fuck buddy, babe, you’ve never just been a fuck buddy to me. You’re my girlfriend. Facebook says so, that means this shit is written in stone. You’re stuck with my ass.”

“Fuck,” she breathed, a small smile playing on the corners of her lips.

“Now tell me what you want from me. What’s wrong?”

Clarke let out a long shaky breath. “I don’t—you’re my best friend, Bell, and I know you inside and out, but I—“

“But what?”

“I don’t know you as a boyfriend. I’ve never seen you be a boyfriend. I don’t know what you like or are annoyed by and I—I’m thinking too much, I know, but I just—“

He pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “I love you and yes, you are thinking too much. Just be Clarke and I’ll be Bellamy and we’ll be fine.”

“But I…do you like to hold hands? You’re fucking gorgeous so I’m definitely going to be a touchy girlfriend, I don’t want to annoy you and— what are you doing?”

Bellamy was dragging her from kitchen to the living room to join everyone else. “Hey, listen up,” he bellowed and everyone turned. “Clarke and I are together now. I’m in love with her and crazy about her and shit so I’m going to touch her a lot. I’ll probably try to feel her up when no one is looking and when you complain about it I’ll tell you to fuck off. She’s fucking beautiful and you’re just jealous. And yeah, I’m probably already a whipped little bitch about her. Make fun of me all you want because at the end of the night she’s naked in my bed so really I’m the winner here. We good?”

Wick raised his hand a little. “I, uh, have a question.”

“Is it about where babies come from?”

“Fuck off, Bell. It’s about you two going at it all hours of the night. Now I admire you’re endurance and stamina, but can you quiet down? Some of us are trying to sleep and don’t need to know just how loud you are when your bodies are flailing together.”

The room laughed and Clarke buried herself in Bellamy’s neck as she turned red.

“You know what Wick I can’t help how amazing I am in bed and I’m certainly not going to lower my skill level for you, but since I am such a good roommate I’ll try to do as you ask. I’m not making any promises though so I suggest listening to music at night.”

“That’s what I do,” Miller mumbled without even looking at them. “But I always need noise when I sleep, so.”

“I have a question too.”

“Jasper you can’t possibly hear us from the shack.”

“He may have, I mean, you’re that loud sometimes.”

“Don’t be an ass Wick.”

“Yeah, I mean, Bell is the best at oral but you live in the middle of nowhere and—“ Clarke stopped when Octavia gave her a hard look. “What’s your question Jasper?”

“Is the garlic bread burning?”

“Oh fuck,” she swore and was gone in an instant. “This is what you guys get for voting me in to make dinner!”

She pulled the bread out and shrugged. It would be a little crunchy, but edible. Arms wrapped around her waist as she turned the oven off. “We good now? Or are you going to keep undressing me on sight?”

“Yes to both, if that’s okay.”

He tightened his old. “I told you, I’d prefer it.”

-:-

“Your brother is acting weird.”

Octavia barely peered over her laptop to make eye contact with Clarke. “Yeah I kinda wondered why you slept here last night.”

“I do not not sleep here that much. Do I?”

“Uh, you never sleep here,” Raven spoke up from the floor where she was surrounded by parts of their broken toaster. Raven was never one to buy new things; rather she supped up their old things to make them as good as new, or even better. “You’ve been with Big Blake for, what, like six months now? You’ve slept here like once.”

Clarke’s nose scrunched. That was just a tasteless exaggeration. “Well I still pay rent so shut your pie holes.” They both snickered at her outdated slang. “The point still stands. Bellamy is acting weird and I don’t know why.”

“Are you on your period?”

“She can’t be because we’re on the same cycle and I don’t have mine. Shit, am I supposed to have mine? Holy fuck I could—“

“Calm down O, I don’t have my period. Wait, Rae wouldn’t you know I don’t have my period if we're on the same cycle?”

“I’m on the birth control shot so I don’t get periods. How do you not know this?”

Clarke shrugged. “Well you’re just as cranky and pissy as the both of us when we have ours so I just assumed—“

“You know what they say about people who assume, right Clarke?” Octavia questioned with a wicked gleam in her eye. “I knew Raven was on the shot, maybe you need to pay more attention.”

“Yes, that is exactly what I need to pay more attention to—Raven’s menstrual cycle.”

“Can everyone just let me worry about my own body? Thanks. Anyways back to the point,” Raven interrupted as she continued to sort parts. “When you’re on your period Bell is usually a little put out because his dick isn’t getting wet as often.”

“Listen, sex is the one area that Bellamy and I excel in our relationship. We may not be good at talking and shit but in bed we—“

“Enough of that. How has he been acting weird? Except for you sleeping here last night,” Octavia questioned.

“Well first off he practically asked me to sleep here last night. He was all ‘school is important, you should be getting more work done, I’m too distracting, go be a good student’.”

“Yes, because my brother wanting you to do well in your senior year of college is just horrible. You should break up with him because he wants the best for you.”

Clarke flipped her off. “I will have you know I get plenty of work done. I stay late at my studios just to do schoolwork because I know when I’m at the house I’m less likely to be productive. I get a lot done at work too, when I’m not watching Anya or practicing working with iron because she wants me to tattoo someone soon. I’m doing great in class and I’m a big girl, he doesn’t have to worry about my grades, okay?”

“Here’s a novel idea: why don’t you ask him?” Raven wondered, not caring enough to even look away from the toaster parts.

“Yeah, I’ve been telling them to talk for years, they’re not great at it.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Shouldn’t I wait for him to, like, be ready to talk to me about it? Or something. He’s not great at opening up so maybe I should give him some time?”

“Or you could stew about it because my brother knows nothing about feelings and will likely draw this out for as long as he can. Have fun not having sex until he pulls his head out of his ass. Knowing him you’re likely to never have sex again.”

Her phone buzzed from the coffee table. “Speak of the devil,” she murmured while opening up the text from the elder Blake.

_You’re not planning on coming over here tonight are you?_

“What kind of text is that?” she questioned her friends after reading it aloud.

“I’m still with the Baby Blake on this one. Find out what the fuck is going on with your man.”

Octavia stuck her tongue out at the nickname, but decided that agreeing with Raven was more important than fighting. “Call him. Right now.”

Clarke took in a deep breath and waited for her boyfriend to pick up. And he did, on the third ring.

“You only call me when you’re pissed. What’s up?”

“Just wondering why you texted me that. You know it makes you look like an asshole, right? What’s going on?”

“Some of the guys are coming over and you coming over too would defeat the purpose of guy’s night. I’m not actively trying to be a dick.”

“It just comes naturally, huh?”

She could practically see his grin through the phone. “You know me, baby. So are we good? You’re not pissed?”

Clarke bit her lip and ignored her friends’ gazes. “I don’t know…you gonna tell me why you’re acting weird? I mean, I get having a guy’s night, whatever, but honestly how different is that compared to what you normally do? I know I come over at night, but I didn’t think that was such a burden. You’ve never complained before so—“

“Clarke, stop. Nothing about you or our relationship is a burden. You don’t have to read into it, it’s just guy’s night. Really. You don’t have to worry about anything. You know I’m in this for the long haul.”

“That’s sweet, but still doesn’t tell me why you’re acting weird.”

Bellamy was quiet. “Clarke, it’s nothing. We’ll talk later, alright?”

She sighed. “Fine, whatever.”

“Babe, but do the ‘girlfriend’ thing. You know I hate the ‘girlfriend’ thing. You hate doing the ‘girlfriend’ thing.”

“Well, I’m pissed off so what do you expect?”

“Let me guess, next you’re going to say ‘do what you want,’ then hang up the phone.”

“No I think I’m just going to hang up the phone. You have fun at your guy’s night.”

“Clarke, don’t.” The strain on his voice kept her from disconnecting. “I told you I’m in this for the long haul so there is nothing to worry about. Can we just save this conversation for when we see each other tomorrow? Can we at least do that?”

“I will hang up this phone without doing any kind of stereotypical girlfriend thing if you just say what you’re really saying when you say ‘the long haul’,” she said with a grin.

“Um, I don’t get it?”

“Say you want to be with me forever. No more ‘long haul’ macho stuff. Say you love me and wanna be with me forever and I will hang up the phone with no hard feelings.”

He groaned. “Babe, c’mon, that shit's girlie as fuck. You know how I feel.”

“Bellamy Blake we both know that under that hard exterior you are just a big pile of fluff and I wanna see it before we hang up.”

Octavia and Raven were both snickering. She was ‘girlfriend-ing’ him but it was so worth it.

“I’m going to get you back for this, you know that right?”

“Mhm, sure. I’m still not hearing what I asked.”

“Clarke, I love you and I will forever. And the reason I’m acting off has nothing to do with you, please believe me, okay? It’s me and I’m going to figure it out and I’m going to tell you as soon as I do. I am going to love you forever, I know it, never doubt it.”

“Aw, Bellamy, you’re so cute,” she cooed and now her friends erupted in giggles, ones he could hear.

“I’m going to get revenge for this, you’ve been warned.”

“I know, I know. I love you too.”

They hung up a minute later and Clarke couldn’t get the grin off her voice. Her boyfriend was a big pile of fluff and it made her heart melt.

“Now that that’s over we need to get ready,” Octavia announced.

Raven looked up with a screwdriver hanging out of her mouth. “Huh?”

“You heard my stupid brother on the phone. They are having a guy’s night so we are gonna have a girl’s night. I’ll take first shower since I obviously need to help the two of you get ready. So finish up what you’re doing.”

They both watched O head for the bathroom. “What did we just get sucked into?”

Raven continued to tinker with the toaster. “It’s your stupid boyfriend’s fault.”

Clarke silently agreed, but any night when Octavia was determined to have fun was definitely a night to remember. (Or forget, depending on how much you drink and she felt like drinking.)

“You know, in retrospect, we probably shouldn’t have hit that last bar.”

Raven grunted underneath Clarke’s nearly dead weight hours later. “You think? Open the door before I drop her and if she tries to touch my boobs again I _will_ drop her.”

“I’m sorry they’re _nice_. You act like I squeezed your nipple or something—oh hello,” Clarke stumbled into Bellamy’s house and crashed into Murphy.

“Please don’t put your hands anywhere near my nipples. Blake! Your girlfriend is white girl wasted,” he called into the house and the room laughed. There was a booming sound as Bellamy came down the steps. “Dude, she tried to touch my nipples.”

Clarke pushed him away, then pulled him close when she lost balance because Octavia and Raven had given up on holding her. “I did not! I tried to touch Raven’s.”

Murphy passed her off to Bellamy. “What are you guys doing here? And how much did you drink, Clarke?”

She frowned at his unhappiness upon seeing her, but said nothing so Raven spoke up. “Uh, the three of us are hot so we got a lot of free drinks and she stole some of ours so that is how she is so drunk. And we brought her here because she’s bi and entirely too horny to go home with us. She’s been touching my boobs for the last hour.”

Her face scrunched. “I like boobs, what is so wrong with that?”

“Play with Bellamy’s boobs.”

“It’s not nearly the same,” she sighed and leaned away from her grumpy boyfriend to finally survey the room.

It was the regular dudes—Miller, Jasper, Monty, Wick, Nyko, Murphy, but Echo and another girl she faintly remembered was there as well. What the hell was her name? Now that was going to bother her. Either way those girls did not have penises, as far as she knew at least, and that bothered her too.

Her eyes became slits. “I thought you said it was guy’s night?”

“Yeah, why didn’t you invite Lincoln?” Octavia spoke up. She now had a water bottle and passed another long to Clarke. “He’s a guy and you like him, you even admitted it.”

“I don’t really have time to argue about your boyfriend, who I invited but has an early morning tomorrow so declined. I am kind of busy dealing with my girlfriend, who you let get completely smashed knowing she gets horny and wants to see me. I know what you’re doing O.”

Clarke continued to cling to Bellamy while thinking of the girl’s name because priorities. “Can I sit down please?” she asked as the brother and sister continued to bicker. Rather than wait for a response she let go of Bellamy and sat down in Miller’s lap. “Hey Nate.”

The man she’s known since she was sixteen raised his eyebrows at her.

“Oh don’t act all tough. I know you’re a cuddle bug. Me and Monty talk.” She wiggled until she got comfortable. “And it’s nice to sit in a lap without a hard dick in it. So this is how the other half lives.”

Once she was settled and drinking her water Bellamy turned back to his sister. “You really need to stop interfering in our relationship, Octavia. I know why you brought her here.”

“She was asking for you! And the only reason she drank so much is because you’re acting weird and she’s anxious about it. Nice guy’s night by the way. Hey Echo, Emori.”

“Memory! That’s her name. I knew I knew it!” Clarke exclaimed. Miller chuckled underneath her.

The dark haired girl leaned forward. “It’s Emori.”

“Yeah, Memory, that’s what I said?”

“Just…don’t try reasoning with her. She’s drunk,” Bellamy sighed and turned back to his sister. “Do you have a sober ride home? We can fight tomorrow about how you planned this.”

“I did not! But yes, Monroe is in the car waiting for us. Rae are you staying or—“

“I’m coming,” Raven exited the kitchen with Wick in tow. “But he’s coming too.”

Clarke did her best wolf whistle but it was mainly just a puff of air. “Ow, ow, get some!” Wick winked and grabbed his jacket on the way out. They were officially dating and Wick was so happy about it he hadn’t stopped smiling since she (finally) said yes.

“Can you hold her while I make a sandwich for her? I want her to have something in her stomach to soak up the alcohol in case she throws up,” Bellamy asked while running a hand through her messy hair.

She leaned into his hand like a cat and smiled affectionately. “Are you happy to see me now?”

He bent to rest his forehead on hers. “I’m always happy to see you, Princess. Just wait here for me, alright?” She nodded. “Drink your water.”

“You’re such a cute boyfriend, Bell, I never noticed before,” Echo cooed as he walked by. “It’s sweet.”

“I am a great boyfriend, fuck off,” he replied jokingly from the kitchen.

Clarke glared in the female soldier’s direction. “I thought it was guy’s night,” she muttered to Miller when he shook the water bottle in her face to remind her to drink.

“It is. Echo is like one of the guy’s and she brought along Emori because she has a giant crush on Murphy for some reason. Bell already read her the riot act for not asking first. He was kind of an ass about it if that helps his case.”

She pushed the water bottle back into Miller’s hands, half of it gone now. “It does. But I still want a lot of oral because like,” she ignored when he tried to give her the bottle again, “he does this thing with his tongue—“

“I really don’t want to hear about your vagina and Bellamy’s tongue. Vaginas are gross, it’s kinda the reason I’m gay so—“

“Oh sheesh, calm down. They’re not that bad. I like getting oral better than I like giving it, with either gender, but Bell like gets off on giving it and—“

“Clarke, stop.” Bellamy appeared, sandwich in hand. “It’s true, but stop. C’mere and eat this.”

“Can I say that later? Da, dun, tsh,” she laughed as he pulled her down onto the couch and into his lap. Bellamy wordlessly handed her the sandwich before burying himself in her neck and kissing her tattoo. She giggled into her bite.

“I think I might puke,” Murphy commented from next to Emori.

“I might say that later too,” Clarke said with her mouth full and the room laughed. “Ha, I’m funnier than you.”

Murphy rolled his eyes and took another swig of his beer.  Clarke just continued to eat her sandwich. Bellamy made the best sandwiches, he was great at the meat to cheese and condiments ratios.

She was licking her fingers when she remembered something. “Oh! Speaking of vaginas—“

“I thought we stopped talking about vaginas,” Miller groaned, but was smiling a little.

She winked and sent a ‘muah’ his way. “Well I’m talking about vaginas okay? Anyways, Bell, guess who I saw at the bar tonight!”

He pulled away from her neck and pretended to think—she knew he wasn’t one for guessing games. “I don’t know who to think of when it comes to you and vaginas besides Natalie Portman. But we decided if you ever saw her and got the chance we’d at least ask for a threesome.”

“I would have loved to run into Natalie Portman! And sorry babe, but if I saw her and she was willing to have sex with me you’d be the last thing on my mind.”

Bellamy shrugged. “Can’t say I wouldn’t say the same. Who did you see at the bar?”

“Lexa!”

His face contorted into a scowl. “Oh.”

“Who is Lexa?” Nyko wondered.

Clarke smiled. She liked Nyko. He was soft spoken and kind and wanted to be a doctor. It was why he joined the Army, to get money for school.

“My ex-girlfriend. Her and Bell hated each other. I saw her tonight and she was pleasant at first, then O told her Bell and I were finally together and she looked so mad. If looks could kill I’d be dead. She was there with some girl though so she can’t be that mad, like come on. Either way we left that bar and went to another. It was very anti-climactic, thankfully. Is this what adult-ing feels like?”

“Finish your sandwich,” Bellamy murmured against her cheek before kissing it. “Then me and you will talk vaginas upstairs, okay?”

In response Clarke took a big bite and he grinned.

“Enough with the va-jay-jay talk already. I’m giving Monty a ride home. I might not be back just to get away from this conversation. Jasper, you coming?” Miller questioned and stood, Monty at his side.

“But you’ll always be my favorite cuddler, Nate!” Clarke called after them as they went to leave. Miller grinned and sent her a salute.

After that everyone started to go home and Clarke felt abandoned by Bellamy when he forced her of his lap so he could turn off lights and lock up—dude stuff. When he announced he was ready to go upstairs Clarke had shed several layers and was sprawled out on the couch waiting.

“I finished my sandwich and my water,” she said in husky tone, but was pretty sure it didn’t sound quite right because Bellamy bit his cheek to stop an impending laugh.

“I see that. Were you finished with your pants too?”

“Definitely.”

Bellamy didn’t hold back his grin as he picked her up bridal style. The steps creaked under him and she pressed kisses to the underside of his jawline as he made his way to the bedroom. When he dropped her none too gently on the bed she screeched with excitement.

He pulled a bottle of water from his back pocket and straddled her waist. “Now, I will eat you out until you fall asleep if you drink another thing of water for me. Deal?”

“Can I pee after I drink more water?”

“I’d prefer it. Here.” He handed the water over and she began to chug. “That’s my girl.”

When Clarke woke she found it was almost noon, but luckily the only remnants from the night before were a manageable headache and full bladder. She groaned and rolled over to find Bellamy reading a book, those sexy, nerdy glasses perched on his nose and a small smile on his lips.

“Morning Princess. There is water and Advil on your night stand.”

“I have to pee.”

He dropped the book to rest open on his stomach before he carded a hand through her hair. “I suggest you urinate then take the medicine.”

As much as she didn’t want to get up because Bellamy basically petting her when hungover was one of her favorite things, she needed to piss. When she went to get up she looked down and croaked, “I’m naked.”

“You usually are in the morning, babe. Here.” He shrugged off his shirt and handed it over.

Clarke smiled softly as the soft t-shirt enveloped her and as a bonus smelled like him. “You’re the best.” She came out five minutes later and crawled back into the bed. “Whose idea was it for me to keep a toothbrush here again?”

“Uh, I bought you one because you’d practically been living here, and I’m pretty lax with boundaries but my toothbrush is one of the few things I will not share.”

“Right, well good idea because my breath was rank.” He just smiled into his book as she took her medicine and chugged some water. When she snuggled up to his side and began to play with his happy trail he wrapped an arm around her. “Sorry I got wasted and ruined guy’s night.”

“Sorry I called it guy’s night just so you wouldn’t come over.” Clarke looked up at him questioningly. “I didn’t know Emori was going to come with Echo and I just consider Echo one of the guys most of the time.” He sighed and put his book on the night stand. “It wasn’t even guy’s night, I just needed you not to be there.”

“Do you need space or something? Raven pointed out that I never sleep in my own apartment and she’s right—“

“No! Clarke, I don’t want space. It wasn’t about you. Actually it was about you, but not in the way you think. I needed the Army guys’ opinion so I invited them over, then Miller invited Monty who always brings Jasper and Wick lives here so it just turned into this thing.”

“And you needed me not to be there?”

Bellamy began to play with her hair again and she rested her head on his shoulder. Being treated like a cat was one of her guilty pleasures. “Just because I knew what you’d say, not because I didn’t want to see you. I always want to see you. I love that you sleep here practically every night, that you have a toothbrush here, that when I’m doing laundry I find your stuff in there.”

“So what’s the problem?”

His free hand reached for something she couldn’t see and handed it to her. “This is from the Army.”

Clarke sat up a little. “Are you… are you being deployed?” She bit her lip to keep it from trembling.  The thought of him leaving tore her insides apart.

“It says my contract is up. I signed on for two years and it’s been two years.”

She blinked. “Oh. Then what—?” She looked up, confused.

“They want me to re-up and if I do they _are_ deploying my unit. So if I stay in the Army I’m leaving.”

“Oh.”

“I invited them over to talk about it. Murphy, Nyko, and Echo’s contracts are up too. Echo didn’t even hesitate; she already knows she’s going back. But Murphy and Nyko aren’t so gung-ho. Nyko only joined to help pay for school and he really wants to start with that so I think he’s opting out. I don’t know what Murphy is gonna do.”

“What do you want to do?”

Bellamy held her tighter. “I like the Army. I like the physicality and order. I like making a difference, being a piece of the larger puzzle.”

“It’s okay if you wanna stay in the Army, Bell. You can go wherever for however long and I’m still going to be here. I just made you say last night that we are going to be together forever.”

“I know, baby, that’s why I didn’t need to ask you about it.” He pressed a long kiss to her forehead. “I don’t know if I can leave you and O again, especially now that we’re together. I can’t imagine walking away again.”

“So then what do you want to do?”

“Well, I’ve known my contract was up for a few weeks now and I’ve been wary about it for that long and I just think that if I’m this unsure I probably would regret it. But I also know I don’t want to go back to working ten hour days as a mechanic and then bartending just to make ends meet.”

“My question stays the same.”

Bellamy smiled against her forehead. “I’ve been talking to Miller and I’ve been doing some stuff behind your back—“

“With Miller? We agreed threesomes are on the table and you didn’t—ah!” she squeaked when he tickled her sides.

“Very funny Princess, I’ve been talking to him about becoming a cop. He’s been one for a few years now, he’s from a family of cops and being in the Army means I had a good chance of being picked to go through the academy.”

Clarke pulled away again. “You wanna be a cop?”

“It has all the parts I liked from the Army only I get to stay here with you and O. I found out two days ago I got into the academy so I finally have a real decision to make. We may not be good at communication but I know this is something we should talk about before I do anything.”

“Bell, you know what I’m going to say. You should do what you want, be a cop, stay in the Army, figure something else out. I don’t want you to settle and I don’t want you to not do what you want because of me. I told you I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Well I don’t want to go anywhere either. I don’t want to leave you, Clarke. And I don’t want to settle being a mechanic just because I’m good at it. I don’t want to grow old underneath cars, picking out the dirt from underneath my fingernails and shit pay. I think I’d really like being a cop. Cops are generally dicks, and really that’s me in a nutshell. It will have the order and the physicality and be a profession my kids could be proud of, you know? It’s one _you_ could be proud of.”

“Okay one, if you don’t want to be a mechanic then don’t be one. If you don’t want to go back into the Army don’t do it. And I think you’d be a great cop, but you know you’re gonna be asked by O to get rid of speeding tickets, right? She has a lead foot and Miller won’t do it.”

“You started with one so I’m confused. Was there a two?”

“Two, I would be proud of you if you were a mechanic as long as you loved it. And three, kids?”

Bellamy nodded slowly but surely. “Yeah, kids. I want kids one day. With you. Do you want kids?”

“I don’t know, I figured after raising Octavia you’d be iffy about it.”

“For a while I didn’t know if I wanted kids. Hell, I didn’t think I’d ever settle down and get married until we got together—and don’t give me that look, yes I said I wanna marry you one day. I think having a kid when my wife and I are ready and stable could be fun. It’d be nice to be the dad, not just the big brother, to do everything right. Besides I already know how to raise girls, so.”

Clarke kissed his cheek. “I think you and your wife will be very happy one day. No, don’t tickle me please!” she was already laughing when he went to poke at her sides. “I do wanna marry you Bell, and I want you to be a cop because it seems like you really wanna do it. I think you’d be good at it. Just don’t ever get shot and you have my blessing.”

“What about the kid part?”

“I could be swayed with orgasms and romantic dinners to put out without protection.”

Bellamy pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “You know when I start the academy I have to leave for three months, right?”

“If you survived boot camp I think you can handle the police academy.”

“Yeah, but now I’m dating you so it’s gonna be different.”

Clarke nodded. “Yeah, now we can send naughty letters and maybe a risqué Polaroid or two. We can have dirty phone calls too.”

“You’re the best girlfriend of all time. And I think there’s a friends and family day in the middle of it.”

“Good, then maybe we can sneak a quickie in the bathroom.”

“The fucking best.”

Clarke smiled and kissed him again. “So when do you leave?”

“I think the beginning of next month? I need to check the dates. I do know it’s three months, but I should be home right around your graduation. After that I get to I spend another three months learning criminal justice and police shit, but I get to do that here in town so it’s kind of just like a job where I’m home in the evenings and stuff.”

“You’re not going to be getting shot at in the academy, right?”

“Not technically, no, I don’t think so. Miller never said I would, at least. Oh, I didn’t tell you the best part—if I do good at the academy and Miller’s partner retires on time there is a good chance I could be assigned to be his new partner. He’s been on the force for years now so he’s not considered a rookie and therefore can get a rookie partner.”

“You’re excited about this, aren’t you? It’s so cute.”

“You know what would make me cuter?”

“If you agreed to let me tattoo you? You’d be my first and I need it to be someone I trust, someone who won’t—“

He cut her off with a kiss. “I’ll do it, but I was going to say something else.” Clarke smiled wide and waited. “Will you move in with me? After you graduate and once I’m home so—“

 “I don’t know,” she broke in. Bellamy closed his eyes and sighed. “I should probably move in before you come back so I can get settled and we can just get right down to the sex when you come home.”

He grinned and shifted her to straddle his lap. “Yeah?”

Clarke nodded. “Yeah, I’ll move in with you Bell. I didn’t need to hear the whole speech; I don’t need to be swayed.”

“Again, you’re the fucking _best_.”

She laughed as he pressed her lips to his and deepened the kiss.

-:-

“Jessica Fritz!”

Clarke absent-mindedly stepped forward with the line while scanning the crowd. She saw her mother next to Marcus, Octavia, Raven and Wells with them, all smiling and waving with cameras at the ready, but no Bellamy.

Last she’d heard from him he was stuck in traffic on his way home from the academy and his phone was about to die. Because it was just their luck that the day he finished was the day of her graduation. And on that day there was an accident on the highway.

Someone tapped her and she turned to look for Bellamy, but it was just the girl behind her in the alphabet. The dark haired girl pointed forward and Clarke realized she hasn’t kept up with the line and missed a few names.

“Andrew Gaines!”

Clarke sighed, giving up on the search for him.

It wasn’t his fault he was going to miss it and it wasn’t like her mother and Octavia weren’t both recording it. He wanted to be there and that was what mattered. It was a little disappointing, but she’d get over it. Bellamy was coming home today, home to their house, and that was enough. He was finally coming home.

“Clarke Griffin!”

She heard screams from all her friends, her mom too, as she accepted the empty leather degree holder from the dean of the university (they would be sending the real thing in about five weeks). Her face flushed a bit as she smiled out at the crowd, trying to pose a little so her mom could get a nice picture, or Marcus, whoever was working the camera that wasn’t videotaping.

Fake degree in hand she walked down the stage steps and almost immediately was ripped out of line.

 “What the f—Bellamy!”

Her boyfriend grinned down at her. “I needed you to know I saw you graduate. I saw you looking for me but I was in the back and—” 

Clarke cut him off by throwing herself in his arms and in response he lifted her up, then twirled her around a little for effect. Girls around aw’ed and she giggled into his shoulder. “Thank you for being here. It was okay if you didn’t make it but—“

Now she was cut off when he kissed her. It was quick, but amazing, and his smile was gleaming down at her when they pulled away. “I’m so proud of you, Clarke, I wouldn’t miss this.”

She went to hug him, just to cherish him being there, but it was awkward with her cap and someone bumped into her coming down from the stage. They were on the P’s now. “I should probably get to my seat. We’re all meeting out front near that circle statue when the ceremony is done. Your sister tried to save you a seat, but—“

Bellamy kissed her. “I’ll see you outside. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Clarke found her seat, but it required awkwardly climbing over people like at the movies. It didn’t matter though because Bellamy made it. He was there. He saw her graduate. It made her do a happy dance in her seat and the girls around her giggled, obviously having seen her with him.

“Boyfriend?”

She smiled and held her fake degree to her chest. “Yeah, and he saw me graduate.”

It felt like it took forever for the ceremony to finish, but it was only really half an hour before people threw their hats and there was cheering and hugs from people she didn’t even know, but happened to be sitting near her. She made her way through the maze of people to get outside before her friends had to be alone with her mother and stepfather for too long.

Abby had calmed down considerably since marrying Marcus, but was still put out her daughter wasn’t becoming a doctor and was settling to be a semi-starving artist and moved in with her older boyfriend after only seven months of being together (well, almost ten now if the time in the police academy was included and Clarke did count it—Abby not so much).

“There’s my graduate!” her mother cooed as she walked up.

The people who meant the most to her were all there, Octavia, Bellamy and Raven on one side, her mother and Marcus on the other with Wells in the middle.

“It’s just an art degree, Mom.”

“But it’s a degree and that is what matters. And you can always further your education should you choose—“

“Abby, she just graduated. Let’s be happy about that, okay?” Marcus reminded her.

Abby wrapped her arms around her and Clarke stuck her tongue out at Bellamy behind her mom’s back. He chuckled and did it back.

“I’m so proud of you, honey. Your dad would be too. Did you know he didn’t want to go to college when he was a kid?”

Clarke pulled away. “No, I didn’t. Seriously?”

Abby shook her head and smiled. “Nope. He wanted to form a band and play in dive bars while living out of a van. The man couldn’t sing a note and only knew about two chords on the guitar, but he was a kid and wanted to defy his parents.” Her mother took the leather bound degree-less holder out of her hands. “I know I can be hard on you about what you’ve chosen but I am so proud of you for following your dreams, even if sometimes I can’t understand them.”

Clarke bit her lips and threw herself at her mom in another hug. “Thank you, Mom. No matter how much we bicker I couldn’t have done this without you.”

Abby grinned. “Well, I think sometimes me arguing with you about it only pushed you harder, but I was the same way with my mom. I just want what’s best for you, but you’re old enough to know what’s best for you too. Now, go hug your boyfriend.”

With a smile she jumped on Bellamy, Octavia and Wells. Raven ran off to congratulate Finn, who graduated today also. She mentioned earlier in the day she would be sneaking off to go see him. Clarke sure as hell didn’t mind—Finn would always be family to Raven.

“I got like a million pictures and recorded it and put it on Facebook. You have almost sixty likes already! I’m going to make some artsy collage out of all the pictures and give it to you as a present. I probably shouldn’t have told you that, but I’m still going to do it.”

“O, calm down,” Bellamy laughed and held onto Clarke tighter.

“Alright my turn!” Wells announced and Clarke hopped happily into her best friend’s arms. “Mm, I’m so proud of you, your dad would be too, Clarkie.”

Octavia laughed out loud at the nickname, just as she always did and Clarke glared in response. “Thanks Wells, it means so much to me that you’re here,” she said into his shirt and hugged him extra tight.

Wells, like her, had been extremely close with her dad. His own dad was busy with politics and had trouble with the single parenting, opting to do it more nanny style so Jake felt like it was his job to pick up some of the slack, just as he did when Abby was extra busy. He was the one that told scary stories at their sleepovers, knew what food to make when they were upset, and was never annoyed by the million questions Wells asked about what Jake was building in his workshop.

So it was nice when Wells mentioned that her dad would be proud of her. She saw some of her dad in Wells so it really did mean a lot.

“Where else would I be today?” he responded and they finally parted. “Just because you didn’t make it to my graduation—ow!” he laughed when she punched him in the shoulder.

“It’s not my fault your college finished before mine did and when you graduated I had finals! Shut up!”

“It’s fine, I’m kidding. Go make out with your boyfriend,” he insisted with a playful nudge and Clarke did as she was told.

Bellamy welcomed her in his arms and she pressed their lips together, ignoring the gagging sound Wells and Octavia made. Since they’d gotten together Wells and Bellamy had come to an impasse—they both loved Clarke, in different ways, and they agreed on that, but would probably never be the best of friends. They were somewhat friends though, Clarke was just happy they were trying.

When they pulled away Bellamy rested his forehead on hers. “Did I mention how proud of you I am? Because I’m so proud.”

“If I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me today I could—ah!” she stopped he attempted to tickle her.

“Fine then, I’ll just tell you how hot you look in your cap and gown.”

Octavia rolled her eyes. “Please, these things make everyone look like shit. It doesn’t cling to anything, shows no cleavage and—stop looking at me like that. I know you were being annoyingly adorable, I’m just saying that’s a crock of shit.”

Clarke laughed and shook her head. “Well thanks, you look hot too.” Bellamy grinned as she licked her lips for effect while looking him up and down. The police academy was good to his body, at least from her standpoint.

“Okay, pictures!” Abby broke in and handed the camera off to Wells.

Clarke let her mom drag her a few feet away. “Mom, I think we have more than enough pictures.” Still, she smiled for the camera and made sure to make funny faces between snaps.

“Okay, Bellamy, get over here.”

Bellamy looked shocked, but joined them. Clarke moved out from in between Abby and Marcus and now resided in the middle of her mom and boyfriend. Clarke’s smile was wider than ever and Bellamy squeezed her waist and looked down at her, his smile mirroring hers.

After a few flashes her mom called out, “Now the rest of you, c’mon,” and they handed the camera off to Finn, who had appeared with Raven, and joined the rest of the group.

Clarke’s heart swelled as her mom squeezed her shoulders. They were probably going fight for the rest of their lives, but her mom was trying and that was important.

Once the photo-op was over Clarke practically ripped off the cap and gown, revealing the white dress Octavia literally made her wear. It was tight on the torso and flowed down to just above her knees. It also showed a bit of cleavage by crisscrossing some fabric over her boobs.

“Damn,” Bellamy swore and she raised her eyebrows with a grin. “Shut up, we haven’t had sex in three months, okay?”

Clarke laced his hand through hers and leaned in to giggle into his neck. Octavia also forced her into a pair of black sling-back heels. It was nice being tall for once, but heels were the bane of her existence.

“So Clarke, sweetie,” Abby cut in, done with fussing over the camera for the moment. “You’re still coming over for brunch tomorrow? To celebrate your graduation?”

“Uh, can we make it just lunch? There is a party tonight for my graduation and Bellamy’s homecoming and—“

“Oh, of course, that’s fine. Bellamy are you coming?”

Both seemed surprised at the invitation, but luckily Bellamy recovered before Clarke to answer. “Uh, yeah, I mean, if it’s not too much trouble I’d be happy to join.”

Abby smiled. “Perfect.”

Clarke didn’t know what her mother was on or if marrying Marcus really just made her so happy she was throwing up rainbows on everyone else, but she liked it. It was nice, a little reminiscent of when she was a kid. Seeing her parents make out while making dinner, cuddle during movies, just stupid couple stuff she always complained about.

Ever since her dad died it was like her mom didn’t know how to function on her own. When Jake died it was like part of Abby died too—the part that was fun, compromising, understanding. She threw herself into work and made little time for anything else. Marcus brought out those qualities in her again, made Clarke remember that while she always had a unique bond with her father, she was close with her mother too. They’d forgotten that when Jake got sick and Abby tried to micro-manage Clarke’s life. It was nice to finally start getting it back.

Soon after her mother and Marcus gave their goodbyes and within minutes the Blake siblings were bickering. Of course.

“Octavia—“

“No!” The brunette stomped her foot and crossed her arms. If they were cartoons steam would be coming out of her ears.

Bellamy let out a long sigh. “Just like, an hour, maybe—“

“Excuse you,” Clarke spoke up this time. “I want more than an hour with your new beefy body, okay?”

She took a moment to let her eyes move over his frame. He was wearing a red and white lumberjack looking button up with a white tee underneath, the buttons all undone, his jeans blue. His hair was shorter than she usually liked—it had been buzzed upon entering the academy, but left to grow after that. It was maybe an inch long and fuck, she liked it. She really, _really_ liked it.

Of course, his arms were bigger, his shoulders a little broader, and his neck was a bit thicker. How does that even happen? Are there _neck_ exercises?

He’d looked very similar after boot camp for the Army, but she did her best to ignore it as not to feed his ego. They weren’t together then and didn’t want to let him know how fucking amazing she thought he looked. Now he was hers, he was her boyfriend, her live-in boyfriend, and he looked so fucking good.

“Don’t boost his ego, please,” Octavia groaned. “We had this all planned, Bell. Clarke agreed to it. You can’t change everyone’s plans because you wanna bang. You live together now. You can bang all the time.” Bellamy went to respond but she held up a hand. “Besides right now.”

Now Bellamy looked to Clarke. “You agreed to this?”

She shrugged. “I was in the later graduation group because of my major. It made sense logistically to eat dinner afterwards and then have the party. We made it three months, I think we can last a few hours.”

“Says you. Do you know how much time you have alone to masturbate in the academy? Zero. We showered together, shat together, did everything _together_. I’m so wound up I could explode.”

“While you were all together, you couldn’t have planned a circle-jerk?” Raven asked brightly, causing Bellamy to glare at her, then transferred it to Wells when he snorted real loudly.

“Oh Jesus, do we have to talk about this right now?” Octavia whined.

“You’re the one who didn’t plan time to have me fuck my girlfriend. What was one of the first things I did when I came back from boot camp and my tour? Fuck Clarke. It’s like tradition at this point.”

“Alright, alright,” Clarke said with a roll of the eyes. “You know your sister hates when we talk about our sex life in front of her so let’s not poke the bear, okay?”

“Yeah, I’m not fond of it either,” Wells mumbled with a shudder.

They all ignored him. “Now, she has spent the last two days shopping and preparing and prepping your favorite dinner because she loves you and missed you. We’re going to go back to the house, eat it, and have the party. Then after we’ll bang all night. Okay?”

“That satisfies everyone besides me. Literally,” Bellamy complained and Clarke never saw him act so much like Octavia before.

“Wells can you catch a ride with O and Rae to go head back to the house? Bell and I will meet you there.” Octavia opened her mouth, but Clarke mimicked her actions earlier and held up a hand. “I promise we’ll be right behind you.”

Bellamy waited until they were gone to complain again. “Babe, I’m all for quickies, but it’s been three months and I want to do this right and slow—“

“Calm down, we’ll have sex right or whatever later. C’mon, let’s go find an empty classroom so I can suck you off. That will hold you at bay, right? And it’s not literally sex, so.”

Bellamy nodded and circled his arms around her waist. “But you’re wearing this dress now and I know you, you’ll be changing out of it as soon as we get home. I want to put my head up inside it. I want your thighs squeezing my shoulders, hands pulling at my hair—“

“Shut. Up,” Clarke gritted out. “O would kill us and she’s been so excited about making this damn dinner… I’ll just wear the dress all night, okay? So you can do that later. But I’m changing my shoes, so don’t get used to the height.”

“Deal.”

Later Clarke was stuck in a circle of chatty girls half-congratulating her on graduating, half-psuedo-congratulating her on being with Bellamy. She wasn’t even sure if she knew them, just somehow got pulled into a very unstimulating conversation after thanking one of them for liking her dress.

“You guys have been together for, like, ever right?” one, she thinks name is Fox, asked.

“Uh, kind of, but officially for about a year.”

“Aw, what took so long?”

“Well, um, I was starting college and Bell was raising O and—“ she stopped and shrugged. It was a lie anyways, but it wasn’t this girl’s place to know all their business.

“So you waited? I think that’s smart. Take time to find yourself and what you want before committing. That’s what I am going to do.”

Clarke nodded, formulating an escape plan. “Right, how old are you?”

The girl looked down at the beer in her hand and giggled just as arms wrapped around Clarke’s shoulders from behind.

“Hey, do you mind if I steal my girlfriend?”

Fox smiled brightly at Bellamy while Clarke was praising the Lord in her mind that he showed up and didn’t hear the girl’s response.

“Thank you, there is so another blow job in your immediate future, but I think we should start shutting this party down. That girl? I’m not convinced she is even legal to buy lottery tickets, let alone drink.”

“Fox? Nah, she’s twenty, let her go. And it’s summer so she’s staying with her parents which is walking distance.” Clarke just stared at him. “She’s only about a year younger than O, they played together as kids. Well, I think she generally annoyed Octavia, but had a crush on me which of course my sister thought was hilarious and put up with her because of it.”

“Still, it’s illegal and you’re a cop, shouldn’t you be all ‘you don’t gotta go home, but you got to get the hell out of here’ about it?”

“I’m not a cop yet and Miller’s been a cop for years and never does that shit as long as people are being safe.”

“I still think we should be winding it down and— where are you leading me?”

Bellamy had her around to the side of the house between the two bushes that were on each end. “Somewhere private. C’mon, sit with me.” Rather than wait for an answer he sat down and laid his button up on the ground in front of him so her dress wouldn’t get dirty.

Clarke took his hand and (un)gracefully plopped down in front of him, her back against his chest. Their fingers intertwined together and he buried his face into her neck.

“The party is already fizzling out, it’s a little passed midnight. We’re in the homestretch, babe.”

“I want to be passed home plate, in the locker room, er—I don’t get baseball references. I want to have sex, Bell.”

He chuckled against her skin and she pretended not to notice her own shiver. She was such a girl sometimes. “We will. Regardless if the party is over or not I’m going to be throwing you over my shoulder to head to up to the cave soon.”

“Good. I want my world rocked, feel free to act like a Neanderthal and take control and, oh!, did they give you handcuffs yet? We should so use those.”

“Babe, I already tie you up.”

“Yeah, but handcuffs are more restraining, more exciting. And since you only have, like, two ties we can also blindfold me since we won’t be using them as binds.”

“Or we can be real adults and go to that skeezy sex shop in town and finally buy real blindfolds. I have no interest in buying any more ties and mine are starting to get a little frayed from all the tugging, but I will buy blindfolds. Priorities.”

“That skeezy sex shop isn’t so bad, I went there a little after you left to get a new vibrator.”

“What happened to the other one?”

“It broke.”

“Damn. We had fun with that.”

“I know, but I’ve had it forever. It had a nice run and now I have a new one, a really nice one.”

“Cool, we’ll play with that later this week.”

Clarke hummed with happiness and her eyes slid closed as she become more comfortable.

“Hey!” Bellamy sent a stinging slap to her inner thigh. “No sleeping. I haven’t ravished you yet.”

She smiled and bit her lip. “Trust me, I’m awake. I’m too excited to sleep.” Still, Clarke burrowed into his warmth, continuing to get comfortable. She looked down and turned their hands over so she could see the underside of his right wrist.

The eclipse tattoo she’d given him before he went into the academy was now healed and the look of it made her smile. It was her first tattoo ever and it turned out perfect. He’d chosen to get an eclipse because he said she eclipsed everything in his life, that she was most important. Well, it was mostly an eclipse—there was a small sliver not darkened it, resembling the look of a C.

Bellamy noticed her staring and pressed a kiss to her crown tattoo.  “Anya still breathing over your shoulder while you tattoo?”

“No, not really. In the beginning she hovered or walked by continuously, but now she just checks in. It helps I’ve gotten more confidence with it. I’m not nearly as nervous.”

“Good, you were practically shaking when you gave me mine and if you missed up I wouldn’t sue.”

“They can’t sue, they sign a waiver. They’d just get really mad and it would fuck up our reputation, probably make Anya and Tristan close it down—“

“Alright, alright. You’re a great artist, Clarke, and by extension a wonderful tattoo artist. There is nothing to worry about.”

“Hm, did they give you vocabulary lessons in the academy?”

Bellamy bit her shoulder. “No, I read. And in there I read a lot. There is nothing else to do when they’re not running us through drills and courses and running and shit.”

“I thought you liked the physicality of it? I mean, I certainly like what came of it.”

“I do, but I’ve already been through boot camp so it felt redundant. Some of the instructors thanked me for my service, were cool about how bored I was with it all because I’d already been through worse—in boot camp and overseas.”

“You hated being thanked for your service, huh?”

“I ground my teeth and accepted it. I’m just happy to be home, happy that we share a home now. And don’t think I didn’t notice the chick shit you put in it. I’ve counted no less than seven throw pillows.”

“Listen, you said I could make myself at home, and I don’t see you complaining about how my big screen TV is in the living room now and the one that was there is now in the bedroom. Hi-Def everywhere, it’s pretty cool. And the throw pillows and painting was Octavia’s idea. I got to pick out the new bedspread and stuff though.”

“Alright, well as long as you’re sleeping next to me and you got a drawer full of lacy things you can paint the place pink and put in cheetah print furniture for all I care.”

“Great, because I love pink and—ah!” she squeaked when he tickled her. “I am glad you’re home, Bell. For good. No more going away, right? No more training or boot camps or tours.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good, because I’m proud of you too, but I am sick of missing you.”

Bellamy shifted so he could see her better. “You’re proud of me?”

“Of course!” she exclaimed with a small laugh. “You passed through the physical part of the academy with flying colors and a hot new bod, you’re going to do great with the law part too, and then you’re going to be an amazing, yet dick-ish, cop.” Clarke saw how enamored he seemed with her praise, so she leaned forward and kissed him softly. “I’m so proud of you, Bell. Proud enough that I can try to get you out of lunch with my mother tomorrow, if you want. You shouldn’t have to suffer with me when you only have two days off from work before you have to go start learning and shit.”

“That’s sweet, babe, but I’m gonna go. Your mom inviting me is a big deal. She’s finally being accepting of you and us and I’m not going to fuck that up. Besides, it’s just lunch, it’s not like it’s a weekend trip.”

“Thank God.”

“And she’s gotten better since marrying Marcus.”

“Hasn’t she? My God it’s like all she needed was a few orgasms to take a breath and calm the fuck down.”

“You know they probably had sex before getting married.”

“Alright, that’s enough about my mom’s sex life. Now I know how O feels when we talk about… ew.” She shuddered.

“Either way I’m going. A couple that suffers together stays together.”

“A couple that also has sex together stays together. Can we get to that part of the night already?”

Bellamy kissed her neck. “Yes ma’am.”

-:-

“Okay, you can’t be mad,” was the first thing Clarke said when Bellamy walked through the door, which is never a good thing as far as conversation starters go.

He halted. “Octavia stole the clock, didn’t she?” he demanded and stalked into the living room to look for the horribly made, ugly clock his sister made when she was forced to take wood shop in ninth grade. She’d given it to him for his birthday and he adored it even though it never told the correct time and was really very ugly. She’d been trying to get it out of the house for years, but Bellamy treasured his sad little clock.

“What? No. Not since you sat on her for trying to last time. I think she’s done trying to throw it away.”

Bellamy picked up the lopsided wooden object which was always about twenty-three minutes ahead or behind somehow and smiled at the BB she’d had branded onto it. “So what’s wrong then?”

“Nothing’s wrong!” Clarke squeaked. “I got you a graduation present!”

Now her boyfriend rolled his eyes and put down the clock. “Babe, you’ve given me enough. You threw a party—“

“Which was lame, seeing as it was a graduation party from cop school so we had to be respectable.”

“And took cooking lessons from Octavia secretly to make my favorite dinner, but wouldn’t tell me you were the one that made it until I said I loved it.”

“You’re not taking that back, are you?”

He made his way to her and cupped her cheeks. “No. It was great. You’re becoming the best cook ever. Don’ tell O.”

“Okay, well I got you another present.”

“You also made yourself into dessert for me to eat and lick, and really, that was one helluva present.”

“Stop interrupting me. I want to give you your present.”

“Babe, I’m trying to tell you that you’ve given me enough presents. I don’t need anything else.”

“Fine then, call it a present for me. I’m okay with that. I was just giving it to you as an excuse so I could have it.”

Bellamy grinned. “Is it a sex swing? That is a present I would love to share.”

“No, but that is a good idea. We should make the spare room into a sex dungeon of sorts.”

“But I just made it into an art studio for you for your birthday. You loved it so much I got like two blow jobs a day for a week. Now you want me to change it?”

“My art studio isn’t the spare room. The room holding my old bed is the spare room.”

He pursed his lips and nodded. “I was kind of wanting to make that into, you know, like a nursery or something,” he admitted and Clarke’s eyebrows rose. “Not for now, just like—later. I’m keeping it free for the future. We could make O finally take everything out of her old room, but making that into a sex dungeon would just be too weird for me. My little sister slept there for twenty years.”

“Can I give you your present now?”

“Please, before I put my other foot in my mouth.”

“Okay, but you have to get down on your knees and keep your hands behind you for the beginning.”

Bellamy looked skeptical, but did as he was told and Clarke went into the kitchen with a mysterious smile on her face.

Finally she returned a few minutes later with a dog.

A fucking huge German Shepard.

“Holy—“ he was cut off by the dog’s growl.

“Zeus! Stop. This is your daddy,” Clarke said in a soft, yet authoritative voice and came to sit next to Bellamy on the floor and the dog followed with his head low and his teeth showing slightly. “Bell, this is Zeus, our furry baby.”

Bellamy went to show his hands, but the dog growled again. Clarke quickly shushed him and butted her head against his. “I don’t think he likes me.”

“He didn’t like me at first either. He’s from the shelter, obviously, and he’s three. He’d been there for over a year and his previous owner abused him! They showed me pictures from when he was first brought in and it was horrible. You just have to be patient with him and show him you won’t hurt him. I sat with him in his cage for like an hour until he loved me and cried when I left, so I knew I had to take him and I got him for you.”

The dog was massive and so furry hair was going to be on _everything_. But he was kind of cute and Bellamy had never owned a pet before. Octavia had a horrible old cat that he only let her keep because their lives sucked with their mom and her boyfriends and everything that he had to let her keep whatever made her happy and she loved that fucking old cat. Plus one of the conditions was that he got to name it. Artemis wasn’t so bad as long as they kept their distance from one another. It helped the dog’s name was Zeus, his size certainly fit the name.

And he smiled as Clarke cuddled into the monstrous K9. “Okay, so how do we get him to like me? He already loves you.”

Clarke grinned at his acceptance of the dog in their home. “He’s gonna growl, but he won’t hurt you, promise. It just takes time to earn his trust. Get on your butt and put your hands in your lap. He’s afraid of them for obvious reasons. And scratch right under his jaw, he loves it.”

Bellamy nodded and rose a hand, but the dog began to show teeth. Clarke shushed him and he listened, but didn’t seem happy about it. He could feel the dog growling as he pet the side of him, but he didn’t show teeth or snap.

“See, this is your daddy. He already loves you just like I do,” she cooed.

Bellamy had never seen her be so motherly. Clarke loved their friends and tended to smother them when they were sick because she was pre-med for a few years so she knew some stuff, but she was never like this. Her treatment of the dog alone would mean Zeus would stay even if he growled at Bellamy every day until he died. Zeus made Clarke happy and that was so fucking important.

They sat on the floor for more than twenty minutes petting Zeus and Clarke even brought treats into the mix which seemed to help a lot. Apparently his girlfriend had spent a tidy sum on buying their fur baby bones and treats and a big bed and a pooper scooper and even doggy vitamins.

Half an hour later found Zeus on his back in between Bellamy’s legs getting a belly rub.

“Do you like your present?” she asked while lying on her stomach and leaning against their dog-bear’s side.

“We both know it’s your present, but I love him, yeah. Did you name him Zeus or—“ he stopped when she shook her head.

“No. They think he might have some mastiff in him because he’s so big. He came in with his name unknown so they just started calling him that because of his size and it stuck. It’s what drew me to him. They said he wasn’t being adopted because it took so long for him to warm up to people, but—I don’t know. Look at him, he’s so cute,” she said in a baby-talk voice and nuzzled him.

“Why were you even at the pound anyways?”

“Octavia talked Raven into getting a cat, but she said if they were getting one it would be a mostly potty trained cat so they didn’t have to deal with the shit. And in order to get to the cats you have to go through the dog kennel and I saw this guy.”

“Did they get a cat?”

“Yeah, but I wasn’t involved in the choosing process because I was with Zeus the whole time. Then Rae wouldn’t let Zeus in her car, it didn’t help he kept growling at them, so they took the cat and came to get my car so I could take him home, but they had a bunch of stuff to buy for the dog so I bought him all this stuff while we waited. I even got him a collar with his name and home address on it. We’re his forever family,” she rambled on and moved to her butt and leaned on Bellamy’s shoulder.

“I never knew you were such a dog person.”

“I was never really an animal person. My mom’s allergic so I had a couple fish growing up, but they all died real quick and I cried every time one died so my dad said I wasn’t allowed to get anymore until I was old enough to attempt to keep it alive. I never really wanted one later and O’s cat was an asshole, well all cats are assholes, and yeah, I don’t know,” she sighed and looked up at him. “He kinda reminded me of you.”

One of Bellamy’s eyebrows rose. “Me?”

“Mhm. He acts all tough and growl-y, but underneath he’s really just a teddy bear that is protective of his family.” Bellamy nodded, but said nothing. “And I figured if you hated him you’d at least let me keep him because he’ll be a good guard dog and you worry.”

Bellamy nodded again. “That’s true, especially since I’ll be working nights once in a while now. It’ll make me feel better knowing you got a dog version of me, apparently, watching out for you at home.”

Clarke grinned and kissed his cheek. “Good, because Zeus and I voted and we decided he’s sleeping in our bed and you’re getting his bed.”

“Alright, well let me go down on you for a bit and we’ll vote again.”

“Oh, I like this idea.” Clarke fell down on her back as Bellamy kissed her, but they were quickly interrupted by a wet nose on their cheeks.

“Hey, she already heard your side, it’s my turn.”

-:-

“Alright, what is the problem I had to rush over here for?”

Bellamy looked over at Octavia entering the house from the couch. “I think you have the wrong number.”

“Jasper called me freaking out, said you and Clarke were going at it in a bad way, screaming and calling each other names and he left because you two were getting so scary. Now you’re telling me I dropped all my shit to come over here and you’re just playing video games and eating a sandwich? Am I being pranked?”

Her brother shrugged and took a bite of said sandwich. “Nah, we did get into a fight. We screamed, I think she called me a fucking fuckhead at one point? I told her she was being a bitch and said something about her period, which I know is not the thing to say but I wanted to piss her off. Anyways, she’s upstairs and I’m down here.”

“And you’re just—sitting down here, letting her stew?”

“I didn’t start the fight, she was in a fucking horrible mood and being shitty. If she wants to stew let her, I’ll be down here ready for the make up blo—er, stuff.”

“Ew.”

“You don’t have to be here, O. It’s just a fight, we’ll get over it.”

“I still think I should talk to her.”

Bellamy shrugged again. “The Roman armor I wear for Halloween is in the hall closet upstairs in case you want some protection.”

“Very funny.” Still, Octavia hesitantly made her way up the steps and to Bellamy and Clarke’s bedroom. “If I announce myself and raise my hands so I can see them will you bite my head off?” she asked upon knocking on the door.

“Zeus is already used to you, O.”

“I wasn’t talking about Zeus.”

“Fuck off.”

“So I guess the hands thing won’t work, huh?” she asked, entering the room to find Clarke angry sketching with charcoal. 

“Did your brother send you? Because really that’s fucking sad,” she muttered without looking up. 

“No, you traumatized Jasper and he called me. And aren’t you just a big old ball of sunshine today?”

Now Clarke looked up and blew hair out of her face. “I know Bell and I have been shit in the past, but we’ve been together for over a year, if we can’t make it through this we deserve to break up and as of now we aren’t so you can go.”

“Wow, you are being fucking shitty today.”

“Can’t a person have a shitty day? Or because my life is pretty good do I have to have a rainbow shooting out of my ass permanently?”

“Are you going to continue to be a giant bitch or talk to me? Because if it isn’t the latter I’m fine with just going home.”

Clarke set her sketchpad down and ran a hand through her hair, her insides squirming and made her want to pull her hair out. “I’m not trying to be a bitch, O. I am just having a bad day. I don’t want to be around people—your brother knows that, that’s why he’s downstairs and not up here trying to make up. I’m fine, I’m sorry Jasper called you, he was just caught in the crossfire and now he put you in it too.”

“So you and Bell are okay? This isn’t because the other day Bell and I talked about how I’m going to be the Best Woman at your wedding and it freaked you out because—“

“Bellamy can ask me to marry him any time and I’ll say yes, I’m not freaked out about that. I’m just in a bad mood.”

Octavia sighed, satisfied, and nodded. “Alright, sorry I made such a big deal about it. I guess I’ll go. Call me when you’re a normal bitch and not a giant one?”

Clarke cracked a smile. “Yeah.”

With that Octavia disappeared and Clarke fell back onto the bed groaning. Not biting that girl’s head off was exhausting just then. Fuck fucking horrible moods and every other fucking thing.

Her phone rang a moment later and she answered it only because it was Wells. If it was anyone else she’d throw the damn thing.

“White or green?” he questioned immediately.

“What?”

“Shirt color. I’m meeting Harper’s parents tonight. White or green?”

“What kind of green?”

“I don’t—I’m not artsy, Clarke. A soft green? Like Good Luck Bear maybe?”

“That is how you’re judging the greens? By Care Bear color?”

“Are you gonna fucking help me or not?”

“Go with a gray, a soft gray,” she told him. “You look good in gray. Where are you meeting them? Fancy restaurant?”

“Their house. Tonight at seven-thirty.”

“Do you know what she’s wearing? Did she mention it?”

“Something about a fun dress?”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “You mean sun dress? So it’s formal-casual. Uh, gray button-up, your best dark-wash jeans, black shoes. Ask Harper if you should tuck or untuck because if she says untucked and you’ve already tucked it will be wrinkled and shitty.”

“Alright, thanks.”

“Wait, don’t hang up. I have a problem. I’m being a gigantic asshole to Bellamy and all my friends and I feel like I just want to either have the roughest sex ever to get all my aggression out or throw myself against a wall repeatedly.”

“Uh, of those two options I chose the first one. For you. And Bellamy. Not me.”

“I got that part. I don’t know—ugh! I just want to scream at the top of my lungs. What’s wrong with me, Wells?”

“You’re in a shitty mood. It happens. I really think you’re making a bigger deal out of it than necessary. I have days I want to punch walls for no reason. Just chill and take a bath and do your thing with Bellamy and you’ll feel better.”

“Maybe, but everything he does pisses me off right now. The way he looks, the way he smells, how he hits the buttons on the controller too hard when he’s playing his damn video games. I don’t know.”

“So take a break. Come visit me, you can be a bitch to me all you want and I’ll just sit on the Cheetos until you say sorry.”

“No, Wells, you’re meeting Harper’s family tonight and—“

“I am coming home afterwards, you know. Don’t leave until later, do that gross sex thing with Bellamy, then pack a bag. You’ll go home tomorrow night.”

“But—you’re supposed to schmooze her parents and have awesome sex, not have me come over and eat all your Cheetos.”

“I can do both, not at the same time, but plan it out accordingly.”

“Wells—“

“No, Clarke. You need someone to take your shit and dish it back. You’re coming. If you’re not at my house tonight there will be hell to pay. See you around ten or so. You know where the extra key is hidden.”

She looked at her phone after the line went dead and sighed. “Bellamy!” Her voice came out sounding like some sort of dying animal.

“Please never make that noise again,” Bellamy called back immediately. “I’m not coming up there for round two. If you want to fight again drag your lazy ass and your normal voice down here.”

Clarke grinned into the pillows. She loved him. Maybe he wasn’t so annoying. “Bell!”

The sound of loud footsteps resounded through the top-floor. He came into the room to find her cuddling further in the bed. “You summoned me, Princess?”

“Do you love me even though I’m a bitchy bitch and call you names and scare our friends?”

He grinned and crawled into the bed with her. “Yeah, but I also love you because you come up with fantastic things to call people like fucking fuckheads and bitchy bitches.”

“I like to get right to the point.”

Bellamy nuzzled her neck and kissed it softly.

“I’m sorry. I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed and took it out on you.”

“It’s what I’m here for. You’re not just my girlfriend babe, you’re my best friend too.”

“Aw, you’re just the cutest little snugglebug,” Clarke cooed against his hair. “But I am sorry.”

“And I was over it as the words were coming out of your mouth. You can call me whatever you want, nothing is gonna stop you from being my number one.”

Her heart swelled because Bellamy had the power to do that. She was such a cliché puddle of mush whenever he spoke like that, but with the right guy it’s probably _supposed_ to be like that.

“You work overnight tonight, right?”

Bellamy nodded into her boobs, where he was making himself quite comfortable. “Yeah, it’s why Jasper was over today. Monty wanted to be alone with Miller and Wick is fucking annoying about anything loud so when they have sex in their apartment he interrupts and it was just easier for them to meet up at the shack.”

“Hmm, so you won’t mind if I go to see Wells tonight?” He peered up to look her in the eye. “It will be around when you leave for work.”

He didn’t respond and was quiet. Too quiet.

“Don’t tell me you have some weird jealousy thing with Wells after all this time and didn’t say anything to me after a year and a half of actually being together.”

“No, I’m fine with Wells, Clarke. I just—I feel like every time we fight you go running to him and I feel like a jackass for making you run and—I don’t know.”

“If I went to see Wells every time we fought I’d be there once a week.”

“You know what I’m saying, Clarke.”

“It’s not like that. This fight wasn’t even big, it was just me feeling like shit, I still do, and I just feel like seeing my oldest friend, my brother. Don’t you ever just get in the mood where you want to hang with Octavia because she knows you best? Er, one of the best. I like I think I know you in all ways,” she murmured with wagging eyebrows.

“Yeah,” he sighed and pulled her further underneath him. “So are you still in a shit mood?”

“Yeah,” she mimicked. “But, I don’t know, I’m excited to see Wells and I’m sure we’re gonna fuck before I go and it’s making my mood lift slowly. I’m fighting the evil inside me.”

“The evil? You’re anything but.”

She smiled into his hair. “Bell?”

“Hm?”

“Am I really your number one?”

He moved so his chin was resting on her chest and he nodded a bit. “Yeah, you are. Just you.”

“I think we should have sex right now,” she murmured and he smiled before tugging down her pants.

“Guess what, guess what,” Clarke practically jumped on Wells when he came in the door with his girlfriend, she presumed to be Harper, by his side.

“You drank all the caffeine in the apartment?” he guessed.

“No, well, a lot of it, but Bellamy said I was his number one! That means I’m ahead of Octavia!” Clarke was smiling, then started to frown. “Is it bad that makes me feel good? Should I talk to Octavia about it, you think? What if she’s mad? Ooh, I don’t know if I want to be number one all alone, it’s not right. Bellamy and Octavia are like—“

“Can you calm down? You’re out of that horrible mood I take it?” Wells questioned as he took off his coat and took Harper’s from her too. “Harper, my best friend Clarke, sorry in advance. Clarke, Harper.”

“Hi,” Harper greeted with a smile.

“Hi, sorry I’m kind of neurotic. Bellamy’s my boyfriend by the way, if that will help you keep up at all. And yes, Wells, I am out of my mood. I had sex and a shower with sex, then my iPod shuffled amazingly for the drive. It’s like I’m like a new woman.”

“I guess you can go home then,” he said with a smile.

“Don’t be a dick, we both know this is your way out getting back at your girlfriend for meeting the parents. My opinion of her means more to you than your dads opinion, so be nice.”

“Way to talk about her while she’s right there.”

“I already told her I’m neurotic, what more do you want?”

Wells rolled his eyes. “You’re lucky I gave Harper a long speech about what she’s in for. Now, why don’t you let us dress down so I can get out of this tie?”

“Aw, you wore a tie for her, that’s so cute! He hates ties,” Clarke said towards Harper.

“I know he does, I told him he didn’t have to wear it, but he insisted. My parents would have loved him if he showed up in sweatpants as long as he treated me right and showed them respect, which he did.”

“I know, I raised him well.”

Wells snorted. “You? Please, if I did take after you I would have showed up in a sweatsuit, drank like a pirate, and swore like a sailor.”

“You know, technically pirates are sailors,” Harper mentioned.

Clarke smiled wide. “I like her. Hurry up, get undressed, we have movies to watch and Cheetos to eat.”

Hours later found the three of them all draped on the couch one way or another, an unhealthy spread laid out before them, and the only light coming from the glow of the TV playing something no one was paying attention to anymore on Netflix.

“Your girlfriend’s kind of a noob, dude,” Clarke mumbled while nibbling on a chocolate covered pretzel for only the chocolate part.

“No one says that anymore, and we’re a lot to keep up with,” Wells replied and looked to his other side at his girlfriend curled up against the arm of the couch covered in a blanket he draped over her long ago. “She tried.”

“I think that’s the first time I’ve seen someone pass out from a legitimate food coma.”

“Well it was during the fourth _Harry Potter_ , at least she made it halfway. We have time to train her.”

“We’re training her, huh? So you’re really serious about this one?”

Wells laid an arm along his girlfriend’s side and nodded. “Yeah, I am. She’s different, we have a ton in common and a lot not, you know? It’s nice to have similar traits, but be different. And she’s beautiful and—it doesn’t matter whether my dad approves or not, you said so yourself your opinion means more to me.”

Clarke rested her head on his shoulder. “He’s still dickish about you dating white girls because of political shit? How it will be harder because of racists and how society can still view biracial relationships and shit?”

“Yeah, but I don’t care. I love her and I think I could love her forever, you know?”

“Bellamy’s not white either, fuck what other people think. And Lincoln’s black. And Miller is black and Monty is Asian and—“

“Clarke, you know everyone isn’t like that. People are raised differently and I do want to go into politics so what people think of me does matter, but if I can’t change the way things are and be with the woman I love I don’t want to stay on the front lines of politics. You just… gotta work hard and do what you can. I can do behind the scenes political stuff if it comes to it, people don’t care if a campaign manager is black with a white wife.”

“Wife, huh?” Clarke nudged him and he rolled his eyes. “You’re right though, but we have a black president and thinks are changing, even if slowly. I think you can do it, you’re a great guy and your wife will be hot, you’ll get plenty of votes just for that.”

“You think?” Wells laughed and kissed her head. “Your turn. Let’s talk about that mood today. You sure you’re alright?”

Clarke nodded, her eyes trained on the TV. “Yeah, I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, that’s all. I’m good now, Bellamy and I talked, fucked so you know me, I’m more than fine.”

Wells didn’t seem convinced. “Really?”

“Why do you think it’s not?” she tilted her chin to look at him.

“I don’t know… you’re acting off.”

“How am I acting off?”

“First of all you agreed to watch _The Time Traveler’s Wife_ when Harper suggested it,” he began.

“She’s your girlfriend! I was trying to be nice!”

“Then you cried at the ending.”

“He died! And—And, you know how I feel about Rachel McAdams, she’s really hot and good at drama and—“

“You vetoed _The Princess Bride_. That’s the first time ever.”

“It was on the other day and I don’t know if your girlfriend was ready to see us watch _The Princess Bride_ together. That is a whole other side of us.”

“For someone who doesn’t ‘believe’ in eating processed spray cheese because it’s ‘not real cheese’—“

“It’s not!”

“You ate the whole can and the rest of the crackers.”

“I had a craving, okay?”

“You were pissed off this morning because of nothing.”

“You said you had days when you wanted to punch walls.”

“Yeah, but I needed a day to myself. After one talk with Bellamy you’re good as new.”

“What are you trying to say, Wells.”

“Your boobs are big.”

Clarke pulled away. “Excuse you?”

“I’m not—Clarke, I’m just making sure nothing is… happening, okay?”

“Happening, what do you mean something hap—“ Clarke’s eyes widened and she looked down. “I’m not—I mean, my boobs are always—“ she bit her lip. “What day is it?”

“The 27th.”

“Of?”

“You don’t know the month? September.”

After a moment of silent math Clarke stood up. “Holy shit. I have to go.”

“Clarke,” Wells went after her when she practically ran for the door. “It’s okay, it’s probably not—“

“I’m sorry Wells, but I have to talk to Bellamy about this. He has to be the first person and,” she stopped after getting her shoes on.

“I’m proud of you, Clarkie.”

“What? Wells, I might be—“ she couldn’t even say the world.

“Might be, but the first thing you want to do about it is tell Bellamy. Do you think you would have done the same over a year ago?”

“Can we talk about my character development later? I’m just—it’s a long drive and we’ve been up all night and by the time I get home Bellamy is gonna be, like, done with work and—“

“Go, Clarke. Let me know when you’re home and if you’re… just keep me updated, okay? You’ll be fine either way, I know you will.”

Clarke threw her arms around her best friend. “I love you, Wells.”

“Love you too, now go before you start to cry or something.”

“Fuck off.”

“There’s my girl.”

She didn’t get home until three hours and a stop at an all-night convenience store later. And when she did get home she found Bellamy on the couch with Zeus literally on top of him—her two boys snuggling.

It made something warm bloom in her chest. Bellamy could be doing that with a _baby_ in nine months if she was…

With a shake of her head she opened the door and almost instantly Zeus jumped up and trampled Bellamy on his way to get to her. “Hey, buddy,” she murmured into his ear as she nuzzled him.

“Ah, fuck,” her boyfriend groaned and held onto his crotch as he sat up. “Thanks Zeus.”

Clarke smiled and once their fur baby was satisfied she went over to him. “You waiting up for me?”

Bellamy nodded and titled his head up for a quick kiss. “Yeah, you texted you were coming home early so I figured we could go to sleep together, innocently or biblically, whatever.”

A faint smile overcame her face. “You’re sweet. But, um, we can’t go to sleep yet.”

“So biblical time?” he insisted while grinning.

Clarke held out the bag that contained three pregnancy tests in front of him. “Not exactly.”

Bellamy took the bag and looked inside to make sure he understood. “Are you—I mean, uh,” he looked at her.

“I didn’t take them yet, I wanted to do that with you. I—Wells said some stuff and I did math and I’m late. I’m on the pill but—we never use condoms anymore and I’m always on time, always. I’m like a freaking poster child for regular periods. I’m moody and ate a whole thing of spray cheese and cried during a stupid movie.”

Bellamy took her hand and got off the couch to bring her into his arms. “It’s okay, we’ll figure it out. C’mon, let’s go upstairs and get a glass of water and—“

“Thank you,” Clarke mumbled into his shoulder. “For not freaking out or getting angry or, I don’t know.”

“You know I want kids, it doesn’t matter to me when it happens as long as you’re okay with it.”

“Let’s take the tests and go from there?”

Bellamy nodded and led her up the steps.

After two glasses of water, five pleads to get Bellamy out of the bathroom because he was making her nervous, and three peed-on tests Clarke came out and found Bellamy sitting on the floor with Zeus’s head in his lap looking expectantly at her.

“It takes a few minutes,” she said softly, then plopped down next to him and let her head fall on his shoulder.

“You,” Bellamy started and cleared his throat. “You have options, you know.”

Clarke lifted her head and looked at him with wide eyes. “What?”

“I don’t— _you_ don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“You think I have options?” she questioned, leaning away from him a bit.

“I believe in the woman’s right to choose, Clarke,” his voice was almost a whisper.

“I don’t have any options and you know it.”

Bellamy stood and began to pace while running a hand through his hair. “My grandfather made my mother have two babies she didn’t want and I saw what it did to her. I won’t let the same thing happen to you.”

“And you think I’d get an abortion, just like that? We both know that isn’t an option because if I—I wouldn’t be just giving up the baby, I’d be giving up you too.”

He shook his head. “No, that wouldn’t hap—“

“Yes it would!” Clarke stood to mirror him. “You say it wouldn’t change anything but it would. You’d resent me and—“ now she was the one shaking her head. “No. I can’t lose you.”

“I’m not letting you have this baby just because you think you’d lose me. That’s not a reason to have a child.”

“You don’t control what I do! You said so yourself, the woman has the right to choose.”

“For the right reason. You, you’re not doing this for you, you’re doing this for…” he trailed off.

“For you!” she finished for him. “I can’t believe you think I’d just get an abortion.”

Bellamy was quiet for a moment. “My mom didn’t want to be a mom, she became one because she thought it would keep my dad around and then dealt with me and O because our grandfather made her. I won’t—you can’t do this just to keep me. I saw what someone who doesn’t want to be a mother looks like and—I know you’re better than my mom, you’re a million times better, but I—I lost her because she didn’t do it the right way, I won’t lose you the same way. I can’t lose you either.”

“We both know you are more gung-ho about having kids than me,” Clarke told him and closed the distance between them, linking their hands together. “And that’s okay because,” she sniffled, “I know in my heart without a doubt you are going to be the best father in the entire world. You’re already light-years ahead of me in the parental department and you’re not even a father yet. But it’s okay with me because if I am pregnant I have nine months to get ready and excited. I will have nine months to learn how to change a diaper and read a bunch of books and worry and you bet your ass when this baby comes I am going to be a mother and I am going to be happy about it because it will be half of me and half of you. If it was anybody else I’d have options, Bell, but with you I don’t want options. I want you and this baby.”

He brought their lips together and wound his arms around her. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“You think the tests are ready?”

Clarke wiped her nose on his shirt because, well, yeah, and nodded a bit. “Probably.”

“Want me to look?”

She shook her head. “No, we should do it together.”

And in the end there was a plus sign, a pregnant, and two lines. All three were positive.

“Bell?”

“Yeah?”

“I think I’m gonna puke.”


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so here is the second part.  
> I've realized that this is less of a story and more of a series of moments, but I've learned to live with that.  
> There will be one more part after this (a small one, no where near as long as these) to come in the next week or so. I have the weekend off (!!!) so I hope to get it done then. There is a years later time jump in it.
> 
> Please read and kudos and comment!

 Clarke sniffed at the kitchen, unsure of how to proceed.

It smelled good, but that could change at any moment. Her body could turn against her with a one wrong whiff.

Bellamy grinned from the stove. “How you doin’?”

“What are you making?”

“Dinner, since Octavia is coming over with Lincoln so we can tell her you’re pregnant because if we tell anyone before her we’ll never hear the end of it for the rest of our lives.” When she didn’t respond he went on, “Remember, we agreed it’d be easier to just tell her then send a mass text out to everyone with a picture of the sonogram because they, unlike O, will eventually forget how they found out and just be happy for us?”

Clarke slowly made her way into the kitchen. “But what are you making?” she repeated, ignoring his question entirely.

“Well, you ruled out anything with cheese since the initial find out/spray cheese hurling incident,” he began and Clarke shuddered, “and you said the thought of something sizzling on the stove made you want to punch me—“

“Not in the face, like the stomach maybe.”

“Then, when I suggested steak you said seeing me eat red meat, since I hate it well done, would make you want to actually punch me in the face—“

“Just a little.”

“So I settled on my special meatballs, butter noodles, and broccoli, which you hated before, but like now.”

“And to think we’ve only known I’m pregnant for a week and so much has changed.”

“Not really, you’ve been known to want to hit me before and my meatballs are awesome.”

It took a week to make it work around their schedules to officially go and see a doctor to get the pregnancy confirmed, but Clarke knew she was pregnant. She was raised by a doctor, a doctor who insisted on having the sex talk about once a year and listing off statistics about teen mothers and diseases.

She knew that there was such a thing as one false positive pregnancy test, but three? No, she was definitely pregnant.

At the doctor’s it was determined she was about five weeks along when a sonogram was done. They’d gotten a few copies for them, her mother, and probably Octavia. Bellamy kept one in his wallet and she’d seen him staring at it more than once. To her it only looked like she’d swallowed a black olive whole and it went down the wrong hole, but Bellamy definitely looked like he saw more than that.

They’d bought about half a dozen pregnancy and parenting books, plus a baby names book, because Clarke liked to be prepared and Bellamy wanted to help in any way possible.

So far the only symptom she had was morning sickness, which actually stayed in the morning, but it came with the aversion to certain smells, usually food, especially cheese.

Clarke watched him mess with the meatballs in the slow cooker and check on the noodles as she struggled to hop up onto the part of the counter he wasn’t using. Upon seeing her difficulty he quickly took her by the hips, lifted her up, then went back to his cooking without a word.

“So you’re good with the smells?” he asked absently while he moved around the kitchen.

“I haven’t thrown up since about noon, so yeah. I hope it stays this way, if it turns into all day sickness my life will suck. Imagine me tattooing someone and then throwing up all over it.”

After talking to her doctor and Anya it was decided Clarke was okay to continue to tattoo until her belly got too big or it became uncomfortable, whichever came first. (Clarke felt so bad telling Anya about the pregnancy before family, but this was about the safety of the baby.) Once that happened she’d just help with the art consultations for clients who needed help with design and work the counter again.

“However, I’m likely to throw up during brunch with my mom tomorrow when I tell her, but that won’t be because of the pregnancy exactly.” Bellamy wasn’t going because she honestly didn’t know what her mother was going to say and she didn’t want him stuck in the crossfire.

Bellamy attempted a smile, but kept himself busy with dinner.

“Can you please stop looking at me like that?” she finally questioned in a sigh.

“What?”

“Like… like if I have one bad bout of morning sickness or get a bad reaction from my mother I’m going to decide not to have the baby. I am having this baby, your baby.”

“I’m not,” he stopped and ran a hand down his face. “I just—it’s not like a dog from the pound. You can’t take it back if it pees on the carpet or hates all our friends. This is a forever thing. I want to make sure you know that.”

“Hey, Zeus peed on the carpet and still hates half our friends but I would _never_ give him back!”

“When did he pee on the carpet?” Bellamy shook his head. “Never mind, I just—I know I want this more than you and that’s okay as long as you want it too.”

“Are you going to do this for the next eight months every time I complain about being pregnant? Because that is going to get exhausting, I already started reading those books so I know I’m going to have a lot to complain about.”

“You’re allowed to do whatever you want,” Bellamy insisted. “Whatever you want,” he repeated in a serious, double-edged meaning kind of way.

Clarke got off the counter and onto her feet. “Will you stop? Why is it so hard for you to believe I’m okay with this? I know it wasn’t planned, I know this isn’t technically the ‘right’ way, we both know you want kids more, but don’t you think I’ll love our kid? Don’t you think I’ll be a good mother? Is that what this is about?”

“No!” he stated. “No, I know you’ll be a great mother I just don’t want you to feel like you're being forced into anything.”

“The only thing I feel forced into is lying to you about not wanting this, like me admitting that would somehow make you win this stupid argument. Yes, kids scare the hell out of me. I’ve held maybe one baby my entire life and I have no idea what side of a diaper is the top or the bottom or whatever but I am going to do this. And the thought you don’t think I can pisses me off. So am I scared? Yes. Do I stay up at night and make myself sick with worry because I have no idea what I’m doing? Yes. But I’ll figure it out and if you don’t want to be around for that, fine.”

“I’m the one that wants kids, remember? Of course I want to be around.”

“Well from over here it feels like you want me to give it up because you think I can’t do it, like you want to wait until I’m ready or something. I’ll have you know that I have been getting excited in my own ways, okay?”

Bellamy stepped closer. “How?”

“Chalkboard paint.”

“Excuse me?”

“I want to paint one wall in the nursery with chalkboard paint. I can draw murals and you can make dirty doodles while he's still a baby, then when he is older you can do geeky stuff like teach him about mythology or maybe even get an early start on reading. The theme is also going to be baby animals and there will be no less than a hundred stuffed animals in his room at all times.”

Bellamy smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist. “His? You think it’s a boy?”

Clarke flushed. “Uh, yeah. Do you not want a boy?”

“I don’t mind either way, but I think it’s a girl. With big brown eyes and blonde curly hair.”

“I think it’s a boy with blue eyes and dark curly hair with a smile that can melt your heart in a way only Blake’s know how.”

He leaned forward to kiss her tenderly. “I’m sorry. I just get so fucking scared of losing you. I didn’t want you to do this just for me, no child should come into the world and even have the thought that their mother didn’t want them.”

“I’m not your mother, Bell, and I never will be. I won’t even be my mom and I think that’s what scares me most. I don’t have a motherly figure for the kind I want to be. There are pieces of my mom I want and so much wisdom and understanding from my dad. There’s unconditional love I learned from you and the feeling of complete acceptance I get from Wells.”

“So put all the pieces together and be you, the kind of mother you wanted and needed. I have no fucking idea how to be a father, but I’m pretty good at being a big brother so I’m taking that along with what I saw from my grandfather about taking care of family and the words from a girl that told me I can be anything and she knows so because she’s wise just like her father.”

Clarke blinked away tears. “Bell,” she sniffled. “I think pregnancy makes me cry and I hate it.”

Bellamy just chuckled and held her against his chest in a hug. “God, I feel like a huge weight is listed off my chest.” His body literally sagged into hers.

“Really?” she murmured against his shoulder and he nodded into her neck. “You’re not nervous at all about asking me to marry you?”

He pulled away and looked at her suspiciously. “Who told?”

“Uh, you asked my mom and Wells for permission, plus talked to O about it, so all at once I was getting questions from the three about intentions and how I feel about marriage. Octavia has been dropping wedding bombs for weeks trying to see if I’ll freak out. I just don’t know why you haven’t asked me yet.”

“I was going to, then we found out you’re pregnant and I didn’t want you to think I was asking you just because of that, you know? I’m not asking just because of this.” His hands laid flat on her abdomen. “It’s because you put up with my bullshit for years. It’s because you know everything about me and my background and never backed down or judged me. You understand how I feel about Octavia, but don’t have that weird complex where you make me feel like I have to choose between you two, and I’ve had girls do that when we were just sleeping together, not even dating, not that you want to hear about that. You believe in me, you make me put myself first once in a while, which is something I’m still learning how to do. You make me laugh and let me cry. You’re the only woman I’ve ever made love to and there is no one else that could ever complete me the way you do. You making me a father? That’s just icing on the cake.”

Tears fell from Clarke’s eyes. “Fuck, Bell, you better get down on one knee and ask because you’re never gonna do better than that, honestly.”

“And you always speak your mind, can’t forget that one,” he muttered while reaching up into one of their cupboards.

“What are you doing?”

“What do you think I’m doing? You can’t propose without a ring.” He pulled an old rusty coffee tin from the back of the top shelf. “This is something I’ve never showed you before. O and I used to keep stuff in here when we were kids. Just little stuff. If she was out and found a penny heads up she’d put it in here because it was ours and she wanted both of us to have good luck. Or if I knew she wanted to go out with friends I would put a few dollars in here every day for a week or so then give it to her on a Friday or Saturday night so she could go and not feel bad. We never told our mom about it and she didn’t cook much besides mac and cheese or frozen pizza so she never found it either.”

He reached inside and pulled out an engagement ring. It was simple and silver with a perfect diamond on top.

“It was my grandmother’s. My grandfather gave it to me when he died, said he wanted me or O to have it because he knew our mom wouldn’t understand how important it was to him. I never met my grandmother, but I know they were so in love that when she died my grandfather didn’t even bother to look for someone else because she was it. He loved her so much that when she died she took his heart with her and I like to think we’re like that, without the dying part, that isn’t going to happen for a long, long time.”

“What about O?” Clarke asked quietly as he slid it up her finger.

“She said you should have it, if you want it.” Suddenly Bellamy’s neck began to turn red, like he was embarrassed of the size of the ring or how he didn’t spend an obscene amount of money to prove how much he loved her or something of the sort.

“Of course I do!” she exclaimed in mild horror. It didn’t matter to her how big it was or if he spent any money. She would have said yes without a ring, it was kind of a surprise there was one. “But you know you haven’t technically asked me yet.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes before getting down on one knee. “Clarke, will you—“ he was cut off when she practically jumped on him, attaching their lips together, causing them to fall back on the floor. “This is a yes right? This wasn’t you trying to punch me?”

“Shut up. Of course it’s a yes.”

“Oh my God, you’re engaged?” Octavia screeched from behind them and Clarke sat up to straddle Bellamy’s waist to brush off her tears. “I told you they invited us over for more than dinner,” O chided Lincoln complete with a shoulder smack.

“Babe, obviously he just asked, that couldn’t have been the reason,” her boyfriend insisted.

“Well, actually there’s more,” Bellamy spoke up as he sat up. “Look on the fridge.”

Octavia turned to find the sonogram hung up with a magnet. She ripped it off so fast the magnet went flying, probably never to be seen again. “No!”

“You’re gonna be an aunt, O,” Clarke assured her.

“No!” she repeated, then went to jump in on their cuddle session, but Lincoln held her back.

“Babe, she’s pregnant, don’t jump on her. Congratulations, guys.”

Clarke stood when Bellamy practically lifted her onto her feet and then followed suit. “Thanks,” she barely got out before Octavia plowed into the both of them in a hug.

“I’m going to be an aunt!” she wailed into Bellamy’s shoulder and Clarke barely managed to shimmy out of the hug to let the siblings have a moment.

Bellamy held onto his little sister tight and smiled at Clarke over O’s back. She might be number one now, officially, but Octavia was never far behind and she wouldn’t even mind if shared the spot with her. Because, really, neither of them were number one, the baby was, and that was how it was supposed to be.

But sharing number two? That sounded perfect.

-:-

Clarke leaned against the stall door while taking even breathes in and out, in and out.

Nothing was wrong, this was normal, or at least she hoped so.

“Clarke, sweetie?”

She rolled her eyes internally. Being called ‘honey’ or ‘sweetie’ by people younger than her was a horrible pet peeve, one that being pregnant only made worse.  She was finally showing a bit now, at least it looked more like a baby bump than a food baby, so everyone was coming up to her and feeling it and asking questions. It made her want to punch them in the face.

But for her official sister (in law) she would refrain. “I’ll be out in a sec.”

“Should I get Bell?”

“For morning sickness? I think I’ll manage,” she lied and rested her hands on her bump as if that would provide comfort.

“Okay.”

In all actuality she was one of the few blessed pregnant women who didn’t have bad morning sickness. Sure, about half the week she felt nauseous and even threw up every few days, but it could be way worse. Usually if she avoided nasty smells she was in the clear. She was nearing the second trimester, so she hoped the smell aversion would go away.

What she really hoped for was that this cramping would go away. Pregnant women weren’t supposed to get cramps in their belly, right? In every other muscle maybe, but not there. Bellamy had bought several baby books and she’d skimmed more than one, so cramping was normal to an extent, but this fucking hurt and worried the hell out of her.

After a few minutes when the pain lessened she left the stall to look at herself in the mirror. It was her wedding day, nothing bad was going to happen today.

Clarke came out of the bathroom and instantly saw Bellamy with a drink in hand, his suit jacket already gone, his hair not as slick, thankfully. He was talking with Marcus and smiling, or as much as he could be when making conversation with his stepfather in law, if that was a thing.

His eyes lit up, noting her exit from the bathroom, and she made her way through the throng of people to wrap her arms around him just as Marcus excused himself. “Hey hubs.”

He smiled wide and kissed her temple. “Wifey. You feeling better? O said you were throwing up.”

“Your sister is so poetic,” Clarke muttered as he smirked into his cup. “No, I felt nauseous but I’m good now. Wedding day jitters, I guess.”

“Well, you look fucking amazing,” Bellamy insisted, his eyes roaming over her body. He was a sucker for her dress, but she knew he would be.

It was white and flowy and reminded her of something a goddess would wear (the reason why she chose it), and scooped low to show some tasteful cleavage. A piece of gold fabric tied beneath her boobs, leaving the extra material to hang down. She had been wearing heels for the actual wedding (which took place at the court house with family and close friends) but was now wearing flats. Octavia had done her makeup smoky and managed found a white flower crown that she ‘just had to wear!’ to finish off the goddess look, which even she had to admit totally made Bellamy’s jaw just about drop when she walked down the aisle.

They’d decided to make the wedding small (because honestly she didn’t care about the wedding, she cared about committing to Bellamy), but agreed to let her mother and Octavia throw a bit of a reception in a rented hall, because as much as she loved the two of them she hoped the fancy-ish reception would put them off of trying to plan a ‘real’ wedding once the baby was born.

Clarke was just fine with the one she had, thank you.

“I like you in a suit,” Clarke told him after a few moments of letting him openly stare at her boobs, then buried herself in his neck when she felt another twinge in her belly.

He peppered kisses on her open shoulder. “How’s our girl doin’?”

Clarke let out a steady breath. “It’s a boy and he’s alright. I can’t feel him yet.”

They’d agreed when they got engaged to not know the baby’s sex, to be surprised. She was certain it was a boy, but Bellamy was gunning for a girl, probably just to piss her off. They made a bet that if it was a boy Clarke got to name it and if it was a girl Bellamy got the honor, although they did have veto power if the name was horrible. She really hoped her baby, if it was a girl, would not be named something outrageous like Calypso Nyx or something.

Clarke enjoyed the feeling of Bellamy holding her (and their baby) for a minute before pulling away. “Thank you for agreeing to let my mom throw us a reception. I know it’s a bit much,” she sighed while looking around at the chandelier, how everything seemed to be made of crystal, and was decorated with thousands of white flowers. Abby even had a freaking fountain/waterfall thing installed in the corner.

Bellamy shrugged while following her eyesight. “You’re her only daughter and you told her we didn’t care it was a quickie wedding, it would be our only wedding, so we had to give her something. And honestly she did all this in only about a month so she kind of deserves a medal.”

“Personally I think I deserve a medal for putting up with her and Octavia while they planned this.”

“Babe, every time they asked you about something you said ‘I don’t care’,” he reminded her.

“Correction, I said ‘I don’t care as long as I marry Bellamy’ but they still wanted me to have opinions. I honestly prefer that we got married this way, there is no way we would have convinced them to throw a quickie wedding any other way.”

“Okay fine, I’ll give you a medal later.”

“In the form of an orgasm?”

Bellamy raised just one eyebrow this time. “I’m getting lucky tonight?”

“It’s our wedding night, Bell, of course you are.”

“I figured you’d be tired and shit and it’s not like I’ve been getting lucky—“ he stopped upon seeing her glare.

“Sorry, I’ve been throwing up and passed out by nine most nights. You try being pregnant and I’ll see how horny you are, alright?”

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way, Princess, and you know it.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Don’t do the pregnant thing where I think I pissed you off but you’re really fine, you just want me to be extra nice and gooey to have you like me again when really it just entertains you.”

Clarke frowned. “But I only have so long to do it.”

“How about I dedicate a song to you later and then attempt karaoke it to make a fool out of myself? Good enough?”

“Make it Nsync and have the guys back you up.”

“Deal.”

They sealed it with a high five. “This marriage stuff is easy.”

Much later in the night her husband rested back on their front door once it was closed and locked, his eyes fluttering shut as he rubbed his face.

“Fuck, I’m exhausted. Getting married is fucking tiring and I honestly don’t remember half of the day so how can I be this tired?”

Clarke stood from petting Zeus on the floor, sighing at the sight of her dress now dusted with dog hair. “Maybe it has something to do with your bachelor party last night? All that drinking and strippers an—“

Bellamy cut her off with a slow kiss. “You’re just jealous you couldn’t have a real bachelorette party with drinking and strippers of your own, don’t try to make me feel guilty.”

“Yeah, okay, but you promised the day before our year anniversary I get to have a bachelorette party while you stay home and watch the kid.”

“I know and I expect videos of girls giving you lap dances.”

“Of course. Anything is better than a giant G-rated sleepover with all the girls again. I love them but I need some excitement in my life and watching _What to Expect When You’re Expecting_ was not what I had in mind.”

Bellamy smiled and kissed her forehead. “Alright, how about we go upstairs, get changed, get you something to eat, then we’ll work on the whole sex thing. I think I forget how it works.”

“Ha-ha, you’re hilarious. Just for that comment I might take off the lingerie I specially bought for tonight when I change.”

“Go ahead, see how much I care. You know I’m turned on by you in anything.”

“You’re going to be insufferable now that we’re hitched, aren’t you?”

Bellamy led her upstairs. “Eh, not much more than I was before.”

Clarke changed into a pair of pajama pants and one of Bellamy’s old t-shirts that didn’t quite fit him well enough anymore. She took off all the makeup and brushed out some of the hairspray that made her hair smell like chemicals.

The cramps had finally stopped a bit ago, around when she’d given up at trying to dance on her aching feet and basically just slumped against whoever was closest to her. That was when Bellamy made the executive decision to get going home.

They both had three days off of work for a stay-at-home honeymoon and honestly she was really excited to just stay in bed, have sex, and make fun of Bellamy attempting to put together a crib by himself.

But when she turned after flushing the toilet and saw red all that slipped away.

“Bellamy!” Her voice came out in a strangled scream while cupping her bump. He just about broke the unlocked door down. “I—I’m bleeding we—the baby,” she stopped when Bellamy came forward and took her hands in his.

“We’re gonna go to the hospital, come on. Are you in any pain or,” he nodded when she shook her head. “Okay, let’s get some shoes and—it’s gonna be okay, Clarke.”

She just nodded with tears in her eyes because she knew if she spoke the dam would break and they didn’t need that right then. She had to be strong for her baby, their baby.

Clarke concentrated on the clock. Thirteen minutes had passed since a nurse checked her vitals, cervix, felt around her baby bump, then questioned what her activities were throughout the day. The nurse, who introduced herself as Trina, smiled and said the doctor would be by in a few minutes.

If something was wrong wouldn’t the doctor be there by now? Or maybe they were figuring out how to break the news by calling her mother for some reason. Abby was the head of surgery and had a lot of clout in the hospital. What if they called her to break the news that her daughter lost her baby?

“Clarke,” Bellamy’s voice was hoarse, but she didn’t even blink. “Please say something, you’ve barely said anything to me since—“ he moved into her line of vision, blocking the clock, which now said fifteen minutes. “Talk to me. Please.”

She met his eyes and sniffled while shaking her head. She’d managed to keep the tears at bay with the nurse and the guy who helped admit her, but she wouldn’t be able to with Bellamy.

It was like he knew that by her look, so he leaned down to rest his forehead on hers. “He’s fine, you’re not bleeding anymore, you’re not in pain, we’re only here because we’re first time parents and wanna take every precaution.”

“I,” she sniffled again, “I can’t lose him, Bell. I ca—“ her voice broke into a sob.

“We’re not, you hear me?” She nodded against his neck as he held her. “He or—or she is fine and we’re here freaking out over nothing, okay?”

Clarke took deep breaths in and out, in and out, over and over again until she calmed down a little.

Bellamy was wiping away a stray tear that fell when there was a cough.

“Hi,” a dark skin man greeted with a smile on his face and chart in hand. “I’m Dr. Jackson. I hear you had some cramping and bleeding.”

Clarke nodded. “I—yeah, I thought the cramping was normal, but when I saw that I was bleeding…” Bellamy squeezed her hand and she squeezed back without looking.

“It can be, every woman’s pregnancy is different. You’re right on the cusp of twelve weeks along, right?” the doctor asked while checking her paperwork again.

“Yeah, we have a doctor’s appointment this week coming up,” Bellamy offered to help.

Dr. Jackson closed the chart with a snap. “Well, your vitals look good, your cervix doesn’t show any signs of dilating, and the pain has stopped, correct?” They both nodded. “And so has the blood, so I’m told. This is all good—I think you just outdid yourself today, I hear it’s your wedding day. Congratulations.”

Clarke forced a smile. “Thanks. So… you think the baby is okay?”

“I do,” Dr. Jackson replied just as a nurse came in pushing a machine. “But I know you’re first time parents and you’ll want reassurance, so I ordered a sonogram to be taken just to make sure, okay?”

This time Clarke smiled for real and leaned back more so the nurse could place a piece of fabric over her legs, then lift up the hospital gown to expose her belly.

“So,” he began while booting up the ultrasound machine and squirting the always cold gel on her stomach. “You’re eleven weeks along which means you’ll be able to hear the heartbeat, but we won’t get a gender until around—“

“We don’t want to know,” Bellamy interrupted. “We have a bet going.”

Dr. Jackson chuckled. “I see, but let me tell you never go against the woman, especially one whose mother is a doctor,” he joked with a wink and began to move the device over Clarke’s stomach.

A repetitive whoo-whoo sound enveloped the room and Clarke let out a strangled laugh. “That’s the heartbeat,” she whispered to Bellamy, but never took her eyes off the grey blob shown on the screen.

“That it is and he—or she?—I don’t know what you’re gunning for—“

“A boy,” Clarke answered.

“Right, he has a strong heartbeat, everything looks great,” Dr. Jackson assured them before pointing out parts of the baby that always looks like weird mush to her, but Bellamy was so enamored she just nodded along. “Here are some pictures. You’ll be getting the same thing in a few days, but I know hearing the heartbeat is important so you’ll want something to remember it by,” he said a few minutes later after she’d been wiped off and felt like a weight had been lifted.

“Do you recommend anything or,” Bellamy stopped while slipping the sonograms into his pocket.

“Just take it easy for a few days and if anything feels off before your scheduled appointment feel free to come back in or tell your doctor about it. This happens to a lot of women, so don’t worry, I really think it was just that you outdid yourself a bit today and had a lot going on. I’m sure planning a wedding is no small feat when your mother is involved.”

Bellamy choked out a laugh and Clarke smacked him in the stomach good-heartedly. “So you know her?”

“Everyone does, she’s very involved with the board plus she’s a bit of a legend with some of the surgeries she’s pulled off in her day. I’m hoping to get the honor of working with her someday. I only just became a resident so I’m still paying my dues, you know. She’s not on the ER circuit as much as she used to be and I feel like it’s all I’m doing anymore.”

“Well, I’ll put in a good word for ya,” Clarke promised and after another minute or two Dr. Jackson was gone with instructions to check herself out at the front desk and get some sleep. “I’m sorry,” she murmured while getting dressed as Bellamy stared at their new sonogram.

“For what?” he asked absently.

“I didn’t tell you about the cramping, I just—knew it was normal and it’s our wedding day. I thought it was stress and—“

“It was, Clarke,” Bellamy assured her while wrapping his arms around her. “I’m not mad, I just… please promise to tell me if you feel anything from now on, okay? You’re my whole world,” he whispered with a hand over her bump. “We’re in this together.”

“I know.” She kissed him softly and burrowed into his warmth for a long moment. “Let’s get some food on the way home and get to sleep. You can get lucky in the morning.”

Bellamy followed after, his eyes still glued to the picture. “I’m lucky now, did you hear that heartbeat? Our kid’s strong already and look at this,” he pointed to a part of the grey as they walked. “I think she has my bone structure, look at the formation of that skull.”

“Yeah, I don’t see any of that, but it’s a boy so whatever you say is null and void anyways.”

“You’re gonna love the name I pick out, Princess, so don’t be too upset when you’re wrong.”

“I’m not wrong, you’re wrong, didn’t you hear him? Don’t doubt me.”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s sign these papers and get to bed. I’m tired, knowing your right is pretty exhausting.”

Clarke rolled her eyes while signing and hesitated when writing her last name. They never talked about her taking his name, she liked her last name, her father’s last name.

“I want you to keep it,” he whispered against her hair. “Griffin—it’s a piece of your father you can keep, besides Clarke Blake sounds a little—off.”

“Yeah, but Clarke Griffin-Blake sounds pretty cool.”

“Whatever you want, Princess,” he insisted, but she felt a smile against the back of her head.

-:-

 “Don’t look at me like that, I still have twenty minutes,” Clarke grunted as it felt like sweat poured down her face.

Bellamy took a cool cloth across her forehead. “Clarke, please don’t be stubborn about this—“

“I’m going to give birth to my baby, okay? In the next twenty minutes. I’m not getting a C-Section.”

“I need—I can’t watch much more of this, babe. It’s been almost four hours—“

“I know exactly how long I’ve been pushing, thanks. I’m the one with a baby stuck backwards inside of me that won’t come out.” Clarke leaned back and winced.

Her back was fucking killing her.

The baby was backwards, meaning his front was towards her belly when it was supposed to be towards her back and it meant she was experiencing back labor (it was so wonderfully named, right?). Basically that meant her back felt like it was being torn apart and—well, literally everything hurt at this point. Clarke was exhausted, but she didn’t want a C-Section. That meant surgery, a longer recovery time, and so it just wasn’t an option.

This was the one thing she was supposed to do correctly. Her pregnancy had gone well for the most part, she had occasional cramping and wasn’t put on bedrest near the end, but she did go on early maternity leave then almost kill Bellamy for hardly letting her leave the couch, let alone the house.

Then she went in labor nearly a month early, but the doctors all said the baby was going to be fine, even her mother was saying that. And it didn’t matter that her mother was her mother and a doctor, she would be straight with her.

“How you hanging in there, baby girl?” her mom asked when Bellamy stepped away to talk to a doctor and take a drink of water. They’d been in the hospital for over twenty-four hours now. At this point he probably felt like he was dilating too. Fuck, her whole body felt open and exposed.

Clarke tried to relax between contractions, willing her son to just come out, but instead tears welled up in her eyes. “I’m tired, Mom.”

“Sweetie, you know that I agree with your doctor and—“

“No. He’s coming, I know it. I just need to relax and let him come out. He’s stubborn and scared and—“

“You’re stubborn and scared, but you do need to relax.” Clarke nodded and took in a deep breath. “Now, you have over ten minutes to get this baby out or you are getting a C-Section. I am not going to have my baby or grandbaby in distress much longer.”

Clarke nodded again as Bellamy retook his place at her side and her legs were bent up in position for her to push some more.

“Alright, Clarke, this is your last chance to deliver vaginally. You ready?” her doctor asked.

Without answering Clarke just began to push, push, _push_.

She was about out of strength, out of consciousness, out of everything, but she had to do this. She was going to give birth vaginally. She wasn’t going to have one of those tumor babies that are removed in C-Sections (she read way too many mom-to-be chatrooms).

“You can do this, Clarke. Just think about all the gloating you’ll do when he comes out. If you get a C-Section I’ll see first and can lie about the gender just to agitate you,” Bellamy did his best at cheering her on.

“You wouldn’t,” she said through grinding teeth but then she felt a movement, like the baby was stuck on something and finally squeezed past it. “Oh, my God.”

“That’s it, Clarke!” her mom exclaimed and squeezed her other leg.

“Just a little more, Clarke. Push now!” her doctor ordered.

Clarke got a sudden burst of energy and pushed as hard as she could, grunting and half crying the whole time. There was a release and another almost involuntary push before a cry erupted. She fell back, feeling empty in a good way.

“It’s a boy!” her mom just about squealed. Clarke was sure she never heard her mother reach that decibel before.

“You are so fucking perfect, babe,” Bellamy said against her forehead as the doctor checked over the baby.

Clarke just smiled while staring while the doctor sucked gunk out of his mouth. There was a tuft of black hair on top of his head and he was pink and fidgety and _perfect_. His cry was shrill, but music to her ears.

Her eyes teared up again and she reached her arms out, fingers wiggling too, a sign for the nurse to hand her son over, white flimsy wrapping around him and all. “Hi,” she greeted with watery eyes. Bellamy was hovering right next to her. Even though she was unable to look away from their son, she knew Bellamy was tearing up too. “I’m your mommy.”

Bellamy’s head butted into hers and she heard him sniffle. “I’m your dad—“ he stopped, getting choked up.

Clarke sniffled too. “Bell, meet your son Augustus, Augustus Jacob Blake. Auggie, we’re your parents and I’m sorry in advance. We’re neurotic and crazy, but we’ll love you more than anyone else in the world will,” she murmured to their son while kissing his forehead. His cries lowered considerably since she began talking.

“We’ll always do right by you, I promise,” Bellamy whispered and smiled as Auggie gripped his finger tight.

“God, we are so gonna flail our way through this parenting thing, aren’t we?” Clarke laughed and Bellamy did too.

“The same way we did at dating, finding out you were pregnant, and getting married.”

“Fuck, er, we should probably cut down on the swearing too, huh?”

“We got some time to work on that, don’t worry.”

-:-

There were a lot of things Clarke thought she would be happy about when she wasn’t going to be pregnant anymore.

She’d have her body back. It would no longer be something people would stop her on the street to talk about (“When are you due?” “Is it a girl or a boy?” “Do you have a name yet?” “How much longer do you have?”) The questions were incessant, repetitive, and annoying. Especially when they saw she wasn’t wearing a wedding ring (her fingers swelled and it didn’t fit anymore), so they’d engage in horrible small, pity talk like “You’re so brave,” when all she was doing was having a baby with her husband. And even if she didn’t have a husband single mothers were kick ass and should not be pitied, they should be praised and admired.

She wouldn’t have a fake thigh-gap anymore. (It should be classified under having her body back, but she just hated the fake one so much.) Her stomach bloomed so much during the last few weeks that it hung low like a bowling ball. It was like all of a sudden her hips officially widened for birth or something because her thighs no longer wanted to touch. And Clarke enjoyed not being a stick, she had boobs and an ass (before pregnancy) and her thighs fucking touched, okay. It made her walk like Tommy Pickle, not to mention look incredibly stupid.

She could sleep on her stomach again. Clarke was a chronic stomach-sleeper and being pregnant just didn’t go well with that. Honestly sometimes she woke up practically on her stomach only to find out Auggie had shifted to her side like a tumor then would slowly move back to his rightful place after a little while of her changing position.

She would fit most of her old clothes and give Bellamy his clothes back. Yeah, she got maternity clothes, but Bellamy’s were much softer and roomier and smelled like him. Maternity clothes were just so kitschy and baby doll looking she would love to burn the clothes now that she wasn’t pregnant, but her and Bellamy definitely wanted more than one kid because of how awesome his bond was with Octavia.

She wasn't pregnant anymore and Auggie being actually there in the world with them, at home with them, was more than a little surreal.

Shouldn’t the hospital make them take a class or something? Like How To Sooth Baby 101 or Do Not Do These Things 215 or Swaddling For Dummies, something, _anything._ Maybe even make them sign a waiver to like try their best? Of course they were going to, but shouldn’t the government try to make sure?

It wasn’t even a surprise to know that Bellamy was a pro.

He knew which side was up on the diapers (she’d messed that up more than once), he knew Auggie’s projectile vomiting face and warned everyone to get out of the line of fire. Conveniently, he also knew his about to pee while changing face, that surprise was always a fun one. Bellamy always heard Auggie first when he woke up and would try to leave Clarke asleep if there were bottles of breast milk ready in the fridge, but that just made her feel guilty because she was a heavy sleeper and exhausted, but he was tired too. Bellamy was best at calming their son down and didn’t seem to get annoyed or on edge when Auggie cried on and on like she did.

Then right when she thought she was kind of okay at this taking care of another human thing Bellamy had to go back to work which—that just wasn’t okay. She was about to call his boss crying, hoping his captain, Indra, would take pity on her, but knowing her she’d just tell her to grow up, then berate Bellamy for his sad choice of a life partner later.

But what if she didn’t hear him wake up because, thankfully, he wasn’t much of a screamer, more of a whiner, and would just quietly fuss in his bassinet until one of them woke up? What if when she went to shower he choked on something? What if she went to go to the grocery store and forgot he even existed? What if—

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but go to bed Clarke,” Bellamy whispered into the darkness, making her jump. “Usually when you get more than a minute horizontal you’re already snoring.”

“What if I lose the puppy blanket he loves so he never stops crying and—“

“Sh,” Bellamy pulled her closer and nuzzled her neck. “He barely lets go of that thing, you think you’re gonna lose it? Besides, we have extras packed in the top drawer of his dresser just in case.”

“What—“

“No more what if’s, babe, you’re his mother and you’re amazing. You’ll be fine. You’re allowed to be nervous. I’ll check in with Miller during lunch and you know your mom will probably stop by, and my sister, and everyone really. Our son is really fucking cute. All that dark hair, blue eyes and wonderful bone structure, plus such a charming smile that just isn’t gas at this point, it can’t be.”

“You’re just so much better at all this than me, I’m scared of being totally alone with him.”

“I’m not better, I just learned a little earlier. Soon you’ll be way ahead of me because of how much time you’ll be spending with him while I’m at work. I’ll be jealous and kick your ass out of the house so I can get some dad-son alone time.”

 “I just don’t want to mess up,” she whispered lamely. “I l—I love him so much and don’t want to—“

“Shh,” Bellamy insisted and got up on his elbow to gain some height on her. “You’re gonna mess up, Clarke. _We’re_ gonna mess up. We’re gonna take our eyes off of him for a moment and he’s gonna fall and get hurt. We’re gonna be in the ER because he ate a battery or a piece of metal. He’s gonna be curious and stick his finger in something and hurt himself. We aren’t going to be perfect parents, but we’re going to stand by what we said when he was born. We’re going to love him more than anyone else in the world ever can. We’re going to give him everything we can. We’re going to do right by him. That’s all we can do.”

“Oh Go—don’t say things like that!”

“Like what?” he asked in half a laugh.

“Things that make we want to bone you and I can’t bone you because I have a never-fucking-ending period. Honestly Bell, feel like I’m wearing a diaper."

He managed to stop his chuckle. “I think rhe fact that you want to have sex with me means we’re gonna be fine.”

“I don’t understand how that correlates.”

“You gave birth four weeks ago and you’re already thinking of getting naughty with me. I think that’s a good sign. The first week home any time I tried to touch you you inched away.”

“I was just torn open by a human head, okay? I didn’t feel real cuddly. I was in pain and tired and—“

“It’s fine, I don’t care. I just—I want our kids to have everything I didn’t, so most of all I want them to have two loving parents. I’ve never worried about us actively, but sometimes it’s in the back of my head. I think that as long as we’re in this together we really can’t go wrong with him or whoever comes after.”

“I just said stop saying cute stuff, so stop it,” she ordered and he rolled his eyes before falling back to bed. “I know we’re going to be fine. I don’t worry about us, Bell, and I need you to know I’m thankful for you every day. I could never do this on my own. I wouldn’t even walk anywhere with him in my arms for three days I was so worried about dropping him.”

“Hm, I remember,” he chuckled and she saw his eyes closing slowly.

Clarke just curled into his side while lightly scratching up and down his side until he was snoring a bit.

They’d been talking in hushed tones because Auggie was in the corner of the room in his bassinet with a night light and Zeus lying in between them, their ever-protective guard dog.

Initially, they had been worried about Zeus’s reaction to the baby, but upon meeting him Zeus was completely taken. He was wary of anyone getting close to Auggie that he wasn’t sure of. Bellamy liked that. The only ones he didn't feel like he had to watch were Clarke, Bellamy, Octavia, and Abby.

Sometimes Clarke felt like he _should_ watch her, at least somebody should. She had no fucking idea what she was doing.

-:-

It started slowly after Bellamy went back to work, but it really hit when she started weening Auggie off of breastfeeding when he was around three months old.

Suddenly she couldn’t sleep, which was ridiculous because Auggie was averaging at least five hours of sleep a night. Clarke was told how lucky she was, repeatedly, for having such a wonderful, helping husband and a mostly peaceful baby that slept well so early. But she didn’t feel lucky, she felt… _wrong_ and then she felt guilty for feeling that way because she loved both Bellamy and Auggie so much. There was no reason to feel anything but complete and utter happiness.

When she couldn’t sleep she’d do all the things she didn’t have time for during the day. Clarke would slink out of bed quietly to do the dishes or laundry or dusting. Eventually she’d pass out, but that was when Bell was going to work, meaning she would have Auggie for the day, of course, so she’d be exhausted and cranky all day only not to sleep again at night.

Most days she felt like she was going through the motions—try to keep up with the housework, make sure Auggie is taken care of, attempt at making dinner, deal with whatever company stopped over. Just because they had a baby didn’t mean their house stopped being Grand Central Station, it was just more PG-13 than R. Less drinking, partying, hardly any sleepovers, but an abundance of people willing to take Auggie off her hands to ooh and aw at him.

The worst part was that when that happened she felt relief. Someone else was taking care of Auggie and they were probably doing _better_. But she still hovered, wanting to make sure Auggie was content.

Sometimes it felt like the only thing Clarke knew she was doing well was breastfeeding; it was the one thing she knew she was doing right. When he was in her arms feeding she finally felt a sense of peace. But as Auggie approached three months and Bellamy mentioned beginning to ween him off she felt fear even though they agreed she’d stick it out for at least three months unless she thoroughly hated it.

It surprised even her that she liked it, sure in the beginning when it was a bit painful it was a chore, but now it was natural and the only time she found peace. But admitting to Bellamy that breastfeeding was the only thing she felt she was doing right also meant admitting she was doing things wrong. He wouldn't care if she wanted to keep breastfeeding, he just brought it up casually and it was like a switch flipped inside her.

Bellamy coming home was her favorite part of the day because she knew Auggie would be safe no matter what. Bellamy did everything right.

She smiled warmly at him as he came through the door and kissed his lips chastely. “How was work?”

He kept her close, Auggie in the middle but still in her arms. “Boring, Miller’s complaining about fixing up the shack, hates that we still call it the shack, yada, yada. He's determined to make the shack livable, not just a place were people exist. Monty likes watching him do construction. I only half listened, honestly, but they're excited to move in together,” he answered and tickled their son’s tummy. “How’s the kid?”

Clarke readily handed him over. “Always happy to see you. I, uh, didn’t make it to the grocery store today so I ordered pizza, sorry. It’s in the kitchen.”

“I’m not hungry, got a late lunch with Miller,” he insisted and sat on the couch, their son in his lap, his favorite bink in his mouth keeping him more than satisfied. “But I do need to talk to you. Right now.”

Clarke stopped mid-stride as fear trickled down her spine, making her stiffen. “Is it Auggie, do you think something is wrong?”

“No, Clarke, he’s perfect, he’s fine. Sit down please.”

She sat on the far end of the couch, her back pin-straight.

“Ba—Clarke, I’ve, um, been talking to your mom—“

“My mom? Why, is—“

“I’m worried about you. At first I thought it was just me, so I figured I’d ask both a family member’s opinion and a medical professional. Two birds, one stone, you know? But she…she didn’t say I was just being paranoid, she explained to me what is likely to be happening with, um—“ he couldn’t finish, unsure of how to use his words for once in his life.

Clarke’s mouth opened, then closed again. “Wha—what am I doing wrong? Is it about the weening? Because I don’t care that it’s going really slow, I—“

“Babe, stop. You are doing nothing wrong, okay? Look at me.” Bellamy used his free hand to hook a finger under her chin so she’d look him in the eye. “After talking to your mom we think—er, well, it’s not official or anything, but she said you have symptoms of postpartum depression.”

Tears filled her eyes, but she didn’t pull away. She cried all too easily these days. “I—no, I’m not depressed. I love Auggie, I—“ she stopped and let their son grab onto her fingers and sleeve, whatever he wanted, really. “I wouldn’t change having him, not ever.”

Bellamy leaned forward and kissed a stray tear that fell down her cheek. “I know you love him, I know you’d do anything for him, I know how much you go out of your way to take care of him. This is about how you’re constantly scared you’ll do something wrong and hurt him. It’s about how you don’t sleep much anymore because you always feel like you should be doing something for him, whether it be cleaning bottles or pumping or scrubbing the floor. I—I see your face when you give him to someone, it’s like—I don’t even know, but I,” he looked down at their son and smiled at him. “We need you to get better, to get back to being you, because this perfect housewife thing you got going on, it’s not you, babe. I don’t care how clean the house is or if dinner got made or not. I care about you, about keeping you healthy.”

Clarke stood and backed away. “So—so what? You and my mom just agreed to diagnose me with depression and—“

Bellamy didn’t answer, but did get up to put Auggie in his swinging chair, something that nine times out of ten will keep him entertained for at least fifteen minutes.

Once their son was happy he turned to her. “Clarke, just because it has depression in the name doesn’t mean it’s the kind that everyone thinks of. It doesn’t mean you can’t get out of bed or won’t shower and have no energy, it’s different for everyone. Postpartum can mean you just—you aren’t sure of yourself, you always feel like you have to do something for him because you don’t feel like you’re ever doing enough, you’re constantly worried about him, it’s all you can think about.”

She turned away and tried to breathe in and out evenly to stop herself from having an anxiety attack.

“Clarke you…half the week I wake up and you’re not in bed with me, you’re cleaning something or passed out on the daybed in Auggie’s room from watching him sleep, like if he’s not crying or needing something you don’t know what to do with yourself. Do you know the last time you went out with our friends or even just me, like on a date or something? When was the last time we even had sex, do you know?”

She looked back him, chest heaving and blinking away tears.

Bellamy stepped closer and took her hands in both of his. “I’m not trying to attack you or gang up on you, that’s why it’s just me and not your mom and Octavia and our friends. I need you to know that you have me, I love you and nothing is going to stop me from loving you, but I can’t go on just ignoring this or hoping it goes away. You have a problem and we are going to fix it, not just you, we’re in this together.”

Clarke curled into herself and sniffled. “I—I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t be sorry.” Bellamy took her into his arms and pulled her down onto the couch. She cried against his chest for more than a few minutes, but clung to him even when she was done, enjoying his comfort and closeness.

Clarke hadn’t realized how long it has been since she’d been physical with Bellamy, even in the most innocent ways. Everything became about Auggie.

Auggie began to fuss in his swing and she immediately went to grab him, but Bellamy stopped her. He took their son in his arms and comforted him instantly, naturally.

Once he was calm again Bellamy went to put him in Clarke’s arms. She tried to push him away because he was happy and it wasn’t because of her, which made her cry, but Bellamy made her take him.

“I need you to look at him, Clarke,” Bellamy murmured, his arms around the both of them. “He’s healthy and happy and never looks more content then when he’s in your arms. You are his mom, Clarke, and you’re such a good one. He loves you. He loves being close to you and being held by you and God, just being with you. And the fact that you can’t see that really hurts.”

Clarke cradled their son in her arms, her finger curling around his chubby little cheek as tears ran down her face.

“And right now it only hurts me, because he has no idea what is going on. But I don’t ever want it to hurt him, so we need you to get help.”

She sniffled and looked up. “Help?”

“I talked to your mom, she said she’d go with you to the doctor’s, see what they prescribe. It could be medication or therapy or it could just be getting out more, learning to let yourself off the hook, that when he’s in a mood to cry it has nothing to do with you. Sometimes a baby just needs to cry.”

“So this—these feelings I have, it’s not me being a bad mom or—“ she stopped when he shook his head and smiled a little.

“No, Clarke, you’re a fucking wonderful mom, this is about you not seeing that.”

“I won’t always feel like this, then? This isn’t how it’s always going to be?”

“Not at all, I promise.”

She looked down at Auggie and felt a weight lift off her shoulder. Not all the weight, not even close, but it was a relief to think that _she_ wasn’t wrong, it something was just wrong _with_ her.

“You can call your mom, she’ll get the appointment and go with you or I can, it’s up to you. We’re gonna figure this all out. We, not just you, we’re in this together.”

After speaking with the doctor she was officially diagnosed with postpartum depression, but it wasn’t nearly as severe as it could be and that felt—nice, oddly enough. Like, she wasn’t the worst.

Clarke was adamant about not going on medication, at least not yet. She wanted to try to treat herself naturally, so to speak, and see if that worked.

She agreed to go to therapy once a week to talk about her constant worries to get help and sometimes even had homework for it, like leave Bellamy or Octavia alone for an hour with Auggie, go for a walk, get coffee, anything, just get out of the house. She started to rely on her support system instead of taking everything on herself. When Auggie cried she wouldn’t immediately jump up, she’d see if he could soothe himself or let Bellamy or whoever take him.

She stayed in bed at night even if she itched to do other things to feel useful. On nights when it felt tough Bellamy could tell and would stay up and talk to her. Clarke was learning to enjoy those nights, just talking with Bellamy about their days, laughing and cuddling while watching shitty late night TV. It made her feel like she was getting a piece of herself back.

They’d stopped with actively trying to ween Auggie off of her breastmilk since she liked breastfeeding. They’d revisit that when he was six months old.

Clarke made a point to return to her art, something she hadn’t even attempted to do outside of a few sketches since she was pregnant. Even if it meant just sitting on the floor of her studio trying to get ideas or just drawing black holes with charcoal to keep her hands busy. After a few days of doing nothing she found herself painting. It wasn’t anything, really, more of a Jackson Pollock vibe, but it was something and it made her feel excited.

After about a month of therapy and small steps, Octavia and Raven burst in the door, bags hanging from their arms, devious smiles on their faces.

“What’s going on?” Clarke questioned from the couch, her feet in Bellamy’s lap while he played with Auggie and she was sketching the scene.

“We’re gonna go out! We got some new clothes and plans and—“ Octavia stopped and bit her lip. “You’ll go out with us, right? Not until the wee hours of the morning, but for a little while, right?”

Clarke looked to Bellamy and he smiled with a nodd. She’d been away from Auggie before, for longer than an hour or so of course, but she was still working on not feeling guilty for it. And she was progressing nicely, her mom and therapist said so. This could be a big step she was ready to take.

Octavia lit up like a Christmas tree. “Yay, okay, we get five minutes of baby cuddle time, then we’re turning your bathroom into a spa because we’re shaving stuff and reintroducing you to lotion, soft skin is nice, you’ve been with girls, you know this. Then we’re attending to those nubs you call fingernails.”

“Yeah, this is making me real excited to go out, not at all regretting agreeing,” Clarke muttered while flipping her sketchbook closed.

Bellamy handed O’s nephew over so she could pinch his cheeks and baby-talk to him about wanting to eat him, her usual. He scooted closer to Clarke after, taking the sketchbook from her hands to leaf through it. “You sure you’re good with this? I don’t wanna fuck you up, you’ve been doing so good, baby. I’m proud of you.”

She leaned against his shoulder as he smiled at the rough sketch of him and their son. “Yeah, I mean—over a month ago I would have said no, but I need to keep doing things for me and what better way than to have Octavia torture me?”

“Alright, but no more than two calls home. Baby steps.”

“I’ll do my best.”

It took close to three hours before they even left the house.

Octavia was true to her word about turning the bathroom into a spa. Clarke was showered, shaved (twice), slathered with lotion, had her long hair trimmed and layered (Raven had a God given talent), her nails cut, filed, and painted, and her face plucked. She had stray eyebrow and nose hairs Octavia was not okay with.

And normally she would hate being made over like so, but she hadn’t had real girl time in months. She even got some bonding time with Auggie in to edge away at the guilt by breastfeeding. Slowly she was starting to notice his little Blake grins when he was in her arms and the excited noises he made upon seeing her.  It was making her feel warm inside, how he looked at her.

In the end she was dressed in a pair of tight black pants, a white flowy shirt that showed a little cleavage and a black jacket overtop that looked leathery from far away, finishing it off with black platform pumps.

Clarke kissed Bellamy goodbye, Eskimo kissed Auggie, then was pushed out the door by Raven before any deals could be made about her call count to home. She looked fleetingly at her husband smiling down at their son and buried the guilt.

Bellamy had every right to parent Auggie, because he wasn’t just babysitting or watching him, he was his father, and she just about refused to feel guilty for leaving him like this. Her boys were getting alone time together and there was nothing wrong with that.

She had to remind herself of that continually.

“I know it’s late to ask this,” Raven questioned a while later as they sat at a table near the bar, “but you’re allowed to drink, right?”

Clarke took a long swig of her beer in response, making her best friends laugh. “Uh, yeah. I haven’t since giving birth really, so this tastes really fucking good. I will have to pump and dump when I get home. We have this tester thing to make sure my milk is good, so I’ll have to use that later, but other than that, yeah, I’m good. I have milk in the fridge though, so we’ll be fine until morning at least.”

“I’m really glad you could come out tonight, Clarke,” Octavia said quietly a moment later. “I—we missed you. It’s not the same doing dumb, twenty-something shit without you. You’re usually more drinks in, but more sober and can record whatever we’re doing to laugh at later. And just trying to remember it ourselves to laugh is such a first world pain.”

Clarke smiled and rubbed her sister’s hand, winking as she intentionally brushed across her new engagement ring. Lincoln proposed earlier in the month, but Clarke knew about it long before since he was traditional a bit with it and asked Bellamy for permission. Octavia rolled her eyes at it, but Bellamy respected it and Lincoln knew he’d say yes either way.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get back in the game. I’m working on it. I won’t be going out every weekend, but definitely more than once every three months. I promise.”

“How are you doing?” Raven asked after ordering another round. “You seem…better, if that isn’t shitty to say?”

Clarke shook her head. “No, no, you’re fine. I’m not sensitive about it, I was at first but then it was just a relief to know there was something wrong, that it wasn’t just my new reality, you know?”

“Bellamy says you’re doing fucking amazing, his words,” Octavia spoke up with a smile. “He was so worried about what was going on, and talking to you about it, but now he seems so relieved, the both of you do.”

Clarke nodded. “Yeah. Talking to a therapist is definitely helping. Having Bellamy, my mom and you guys tell me I’m a good mom is wonderful, but you’re family, you’re supposed to with a new, struggling mom. An outsider is more unbiased and she is like an expert in postpartum stuff, so it’s really reassuring getting her opinion.”

She began to pick at her beer bottle and bit her lip nervously.

“It was so weird, still is most the time, but I’m starting to see the symptoms I had and how a fog was over me. I was so torn between trying to be the best mom and giving Auggie everything, to make sure he was always happy, that never cried about anything and giving him away to Bellamy or you guys because I thought anyone could do it better, but that just made me feel so guilty. Doing anything for me made me feel so bad because everything should be centered on Auggie. I hated when he cried, hated when I couldn’t soothe him, hated myself for not being good enough.”

She was quiet for a long moment and her friends respected the peace.

“But I’m learning,” she said with a small smile. “That babies just need to cry sometimes, they get frustrated to, that is just their only form of communication, and that just because he’s upset doesn’t mean it’s necessarily something I did. Auggie should be the center of my life, and he is, but I need to remember to do me too or I’ll resent him and Bellamy which—that is not an option, not at all. I’m making time to take a shower longer than two minutes, to work on art, to begin figuring out how to go back to work around Bellamy’s schedule so I can do consultations and inking. Anya’s been great about working with my maternity leave and the postpartum stuff. I’m just hoping the transition isn’t too hard on me or Auggie.”

“I’m so happy for you, Clarke, you’re doing so fucking great,” Raven said once more.

She smiled at her friends. “Thanks. It’s surprising how good the small steps feel, you know? You wouldn’t think just going for a jog with my iPod on blast to work off some stress while Bellamy is home with him would feel like a weight off my shoulders, but it does. Getting inspiration for art again has me so excited. Understanding that I don’t have to be on 24/7 to be a good mom is just so relieving. I still have a bit to go, more than a bit, but I was so down any little surge up feels amazing.”

She was hugged and kissed by her friends, which only made her feel even more incredibly loved and lucky.

“Now, the most important question of the night, one Octavia is well aware I’m going to ask,” Raven began, “when’s the last time you had sex?”

Clarke finished her bottle and spent her sweet time swallowing.

“Wow, just the delay there…it’s been too long and I’m your sister,” Octavia insisted, making both her and Raven laugh.

“Yeah, I know. We have had sex, so don’t get too disappointed in me.”

“How many times?” Raven demanded.

“Do you really think she keeps a tally in her head?” Octavia questioned with a roll of the eyes.

“Twice,” Clarke answered before they could bicker. “Technically. But it was in the same night, so there is that.”

Raven choked on her beer a little while Octavia just cleared her throat awkwardly.

“Stop looking at me like that! I had a head come out of me down there and I know medically speaking it’s not really different, but as a vagina owner I have every right to be worried. Plus women with postpartum are often not very interested in sex, so the judgement ends here.”

“It’s not judgement, exactly,” Raven insisted. “It’s just…you and Bell were rabbits, its shocking is all.”

“But he’s been cool about it, right?”

Clarke nodded. “Yeah, he’s… too fucking perfect. He’s been great. He’s only mentioned sex once through all this and it wasn’t in any kind of bad way, just to make a point. I’m working up to it, er, something.”

“Well, we saw your nursing bras and you got one or two good looking ones. You got a real hot one on right now actually, so I’m praying for you to get some tonight,” Raven said then clinked their beers together.

“Thank you, that really means a lot to me,” Clarke said in a laugh. “I don’t know, let’s get me tipsy enough to talk to Bellamy about the head coming out of my vagina and maybe.”

“I’ll take that challenge. Waiter! Another round over here?” All the girls broke out in laughter. “What? It’s for your mental health. Orgasms release oxytocin which makes you feel happy and relaxed. Orgasms can only help.”

That last line stuck in Clarke’s head for the rest of the night.

Honestly, orgasms _can_ only help. She hadn’t been interested in sex because she always felt like there were better things to do—thank you postpartum depression—but she had been talking about the importance of being close with Bellamy with her therapist. He really was wonderful about it, never pushed for it knowing other things came first right then, with Auggie and her depression.

When she came home she was slightly drunk and had taken her shoes off in favor of not falling on her face as Raven and Octavia catcalled to her from the car.

The lights were off, but the door was unlocked, thankfully, because she wasn’t so sure how well she would handle using her key at the moment. She stumbled inside and did her best to be quiet while making it upstairs, only tripping on the steps once (stupid dog toy!).

She found Bellamy in Auggie’s room, swaying slightly in the rocking chair, reading him a bedtime story as the soft glow of the light enveloped the both of them. Clarke leaned against the doorjamb and smiled like the drunken idiot she was.

Bellamy hadn’t noticed her yet and she was ninety percent sure Auggie was already asleep, but Bell was going to finish the book anyway. One of the good memories Bellamy has of his mother are of her reading him to bed and in turn he would read to O whenever Aurora didn’t, so most of the time. For now it was regular storybooks, but she knew as Auggie got older the books would turn into _Harry Potter_ and so on.

Clarke knew from firsthand experience Auggie loved the vibrations of Bellamy’s chest as he read low and steady. Their son’s little hand would move over his dad’s rumbling ribcage and make the most precious little pleased noise before his eyes fluttered closed.

Her own hand rested over her heart as it swelled with warmth and love. All at once seeing how amazing her life was hit her right in the chest and she bit her lip. She would struggle with the postpartum depression for the weeks to come, but she would battle through it and come out on top in the end. How could she not with these two wonderful boys rooting for her?

Zeus bumped into the back of her legs, demanding attention. She grinned down and scratched behind his ear. Correction, three boys.

Before she ruined the father-son moment she retreated to her room to undress then pump and dump her tainted breastmilk. She would still have to test her milk later to make sure she was in the clear, but this batch was definitely bad.

Clarke had just ran a brush through her hair and let out a calming breath when Bellamy entered the bedroom. He couldn’t see her yet, she was in the bathroom, but he sure was about to.

“I didn’t hear you come in, everything alright?” he called in quietly.

“You better get your cop senses in tune then, hubs, because I came in tipsy then watched you read to Auggie and everything.”

“Well maybe you were just real sneaky since you called four times and that was definitely over your limit.”

“To be fair that last one was Octavia being a dick, which means I barely went over my limit. Plus, I don’t think you’ll be too unhappy with me, actually,” she replied and came out of the bathroom clad in her black lacy nursing bra and matching boyshort panties.

“Holy fuck,” Bellamy grunted upon seeing her, his shirt already gone and pants unbuttoned. “Uhm, how—how was your night?”

Clarke smiled, ignoring the blush rising up her neck as she walked to the bed and curled her finger at him to match her actions.

Bellamy let his pants fall off and met her in the middle of the mattress on their knees. “G—good then?”

Clarke chuckled and pushed him sideways so he was on his beck in the center of their bed before straddling his waist. “Bellamy Blake, do I still make you stutter like a schoolboy?”

“Definitely. How much did you drink?”

She rolled her eyes and leaned down to kiss him. “Nowhere near what I used to before I got pregnant, so don’t you dare ask me if I want this, Bellamy Robert Blake.”

“Middle name usage noted.”

Clarke grinned and kissed him softly again. “I know this is the dumbest question to ask, and I know medically it’s not—“

Bellamy surged up and took her lips in his, his kiss filled with passion and just enough tongue to make warmth pool in her stomach. “It’s not an issue, Clarke. You feel the same as you always did, snug and fucking _mine_ ,” he growled before flipping them over.

“I only have one stipulation,” she murmured against his ear as he kissed down her jawbone. “The bra’s not coming off. Gotta keep these bitches contained.”

He laughed into her neck and she chuckled herself. “Yes ma’am.”

-:-

Their son is eighteen months old to the day when Bellamy gets shot in the line of duty.

Clarke doesn’t exactly remember the words Miller said, just that she had to get to the hospital _right now_. She had no choice but to take Auggie with her even though she didn’t want him to know anything was wrong with Bellamy.

How do you explain to your one year old his dad was shot? You don’t. You stay strong for him.

By the time they got to the ER Bellamy was already in surgery. A bullet collapsed his right lung, but they were attempting to repair it. He was actually shot twice but the other didn’t penetrate anything vital and they might even leave it in if they don’t see it harming him in the long run.

Clarke was told her husband was a strong guy, was talking to us all the way to the OR, that most have long passed out by then. Clarke already knew of Bellamy’s strength, of course, but it felt good to hear it from his doctors.

The doctors couldn’t say one way or the other how the surgery is going to go, but told her that he was a fighter and they would do everything they could for him. The surgery should take roughly two hours was the last thing she heard almost two hours ago and she was beginning to lose her cool.

Honestly how she kept her cool this long was a mystery.

But as Clarke sat in the waiting room with Auggie burrowed into her chest, she knew exactly why she hadn’t broken down. He didn’t know what was wrong exactly, but he knew something definitely wasn’t right and he knew it had to do with Bellamy, his hero, his daddy.

It didn’t help when Octavia came in with tears running down her face, her six month pregnant belly leading the way, Lincoln trying to keep up. That was when Auggie really realized the gravity of the situation, in his little one year old brain, and stopped being so giggly and entertaining to their friends and the cops who came to check on Bellamy. Instead he chose to stick close to his mom and she did her best to pour comfort into him through affection and quiet murmurings.

Clarke had told O everything she knew, quietly, then held her sister as she let out her frustration in the form of sobbing. Octavia wasn’t a crier, but she was pregnant and this was Bellamy, Clarke just wished she could cry with her.

But Clarke was being strong. She had to be, for Auggie, for Octavia, for Bellamy. This is what being a mother and Bellamy’s wife meant. Auggie came first, Octavia soon after, she could deal with herself later.

She blinked her eyes repetitively trying to keep tears away as she thought of the morning. She couldn’t remember what happened really—she woke up late, was cranky because of that, rushed downstairs to make Auggie a lunch for the neighborhood playgroup that he rarely went to, but she had a big tattoo in the afternoon. Bellamy had already made their son’s lunch and she was grateful, but didn’t remember if she said ‘thank you’ for it.

Clarke remembered drinking her black coffee leisurely, watching as Auggie drank some milk from a big boy cup, continually tapping his dad on the arm every time he went to take a drink so he’d watch and give praise. Bellamy didn’t disappoint, smothering Auggie with approval and applause, making their son let out the cutest laugh known to man.

She didn’t remember if she kissed him goodbye before he left for work or said ‘I love you’ as he walked out the door.

How could she not have said it?

Bellamy and Auggie were _everything_ to her.

Bellamy stood by her every step of the way as she battled through postpartum depression and beat it into submission. He was there as she struggled to go back to work, as she weened Auggie off breastmilk. Bellamy was the one who convinced her to submit some work to an art gallery in the city, then was there when it was shown, pride absolutely radiating off of him. He was her partner, her other half, he was everything, and she didn’t remember the last time she kissed him or if she told him how much she loved him as he walked out the door.

Suddenly Miller was beside her, Jasper and Monty behind him, tugging on Auggie’s puppy blanket. “Hey buddy, you wanna go get something to drink? I hear you drink from a big boy cup now.”

“Big boy cup?” Auggie removed his bink with lightning speed and looked up at her for permission. He knew she wasn’t okay, didn’t want to leave her, but loved his uncles, it didn’t matter that they weren’t related through blood or marriage, they were family.

She looked down at her little Bellamy lookalike—he had dark curly hair, a natural olive tone to his skin, his father’s bone structure, mouth, and chin, and although he technically had blue eyes the way he looked at her reminded her of Bellamy so freaking much, like he was looking right through her.

Clarke kissed him on his nose, the only thing he physically seemed to get from her (besides the eyes), and smiled. “Go, baby. Show your uncles how well you drink and I’ll wait here. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

He seemed to contemplate it, but after a second puckered his lips for Clarke to kiss and hopped off her lap to go with the boys.

Octavia had her eyes closed on Lincoln’s shoulder, their hands entwined, and he nodded that it was okay for her to go off to talk with Raven alone.

“C’mon,” Raven pulled her to her feet and brought her to the bathroom.

“He’s going to be fine. You heard them, two doctor’s said that and—“ she stopped as Raven gave her a pointed look. “I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not and I need you to let it out before it happens in front of your son,” Raven corrected. “I understand you’re trying to be strong, I admire you Clarke, you are so strong but you need a minute to be weak and that is fine.”

Tears welled in her eyes all too easily. “I—I don’t remember if I kissed him goodbye this morning or told him I loved him. And he might—what if,” she stopped to blink furiously so the tears wouldn’t fall.

“Clarke,” Raven said soothingly as she pulled her into a hug.

She dry-sobbed into Raven’s shoulder for a solid minute, resembling a bit of a panic attack before reigning herself in. Auggie couldn’t see her visibly upset.

In that moment she admired her mom for how she handled her father’s death.

All Clarke remembered was being so angry and sad and pissed off. She was mad at her dad for dying, at her mom for not showing she felt the same way, at her dad’s heart for finally giving out, and just the world really.

She remembered her mom holding her as her dad’s heart stopped beating, crying so hard she couldn’t see straight, but Abby had stayed practically dry-eyed. It had made her angry seeing her mom detach, but she was starting to see that it wasn’t like that. Her mom was simply being strong for her and mourning in her own time, she was putting Clarke first just as she would with Auggie.

Right then she wanted her mother, but when she’d tried to contact her earlier she found Abby was in surgery already. Not Bellamy’s, but on a pregnant woman and Clarke had told the nurse not to pass the message along. Abby’s focus should be on that woman and Bellamy’s prognosis was good. It that changed Abby would be one of the first to know.

Clarke splashed water on her face and let out a steady breath before returning to the waiting room. She felt better after having her moment to freak out, but she’d feel even better if they had more news.

The boys weren’t back with Auggie yet, but Octavia was standing up talking to someone in a white coat.

“Is he out of surgery or,” she stopped as she practically ran into Lincoln’s side.

Octavia nodded, her eyes watering again. “Yeah, he’s out, he’s fine.”

Clarke looked to the doctor for confirmation. “The lung repair went well, we removed the other bullet because of the placement, how it could affect him if it moved, but that went well too. He’s already in his own room and should be waking up whenever he feels fit.”

“Thank you, oh my God, thank you,” Clarke insisted while gripping Octavia’s hand and felt her body sag in relief.

“Now, as far as his recovery goes he’ll be in the hospital for five to seven days where we will monitor his chest tube and have it removed once the lung is healed and functioning on its own. We say he’ll be here about a week because after the tube’s removed we’ll have to get him up and walking before he’s sent home. He’ll have to enter respiratory therapy, which will be started here before he goes home, and I suspect he’ll be back at work in two months at the shortest, four months at the longest, depending on how well he heals and listens to doctor’s orders.”

“Thank you, thank you so much,” she repeated in complete sniffles and shook his hand before opening herself up to be launched at by Octavia. “He’s okay, he’s okay, O,” she whispered in her ear and smiled as she saw Auggie walking back down the hall with Miller’s hand attached to his own.

“Mama!” he screeched and took off in a run to her.

Clarke got down on her knees and loved the feeling of her son colliding against her chest. “Oh, baby, baby, baby,” she said into his shoulder and squeezed him tight.

“Why cry, Mama?” he asked as she pulled away to smile at him.

“Daddy’s sick, baby, but he’s going to be okay, okay?” she told him and smiled brightly to soothe his worries. “You remember how Gram is a doctor that fixes people’s insides?” He nodded readily. “Well doctors like that fixed him right up and he’ll come home with us in a few days.”

“Dada! Dada!” he started chanting while jumping up and down.

Clarke grinned and kissed her son’s chubby cheeks, the one thing that still made him look like a baby instead of the little human he was becoming. “Can you stay out here with your aunts and uncles while I go see if Daddy’s awake?”

“Ung J?” he questioned hopefully with innocent eyes.

“Yes, you can play with Uncle Jasper, but be good,” she ordered with a wink and tickled his tummy. Auggie, Jasper, and Monty always get in some form of trouble together, so it was easy to say Auggie loved hanging out with Uncle J and Uncle Monny, as he called them.

She kissed him again before handing him off to Jasper and smiled at her friends before heading off down the hall to where the doctor said Bellamy would be.

Through the window she saw his face, his eyes were closed, his skin paler than normal, and his breathing was shallow.

As soon as she opened the door his eyes blinked open. “He—hey,” he said with a small cough while trying to sit up.

Immediately her eyes filled and she swore under her breath.

“Hey, come here,” he said in a husky tone, causing her to just react and stumble over to his bed. “C’mere, Princess.”

Clarke hugged him lightly, then sat on the side of his bed and pushed hair out of his eyes. “You look like shit, Bell.”

He grinned and held onto her hand, she bit her lip as she felt how cold they were, probably from blood loss. “I always loved how good with words you were.”

She sniffled and leaned down to kiss his cheek. “I can’t be mad at you right now because I’m so happy you’re okay, but know that in a few days I’m going to be very upset since you broke the one rule I gave you when you told me you wanted to be a police officer.”

Bellamy shifted and winced, but did his best to hide it. “To be fair I didn’t get shot once, I got shot twice. And trust me, I’m paying for it now.”

“Good,” she murmured and leaned down so her forehead was resting on his. “Miller told me what happened. You saved that woman’s life. Do you remember?”

His fingers swiped up her cheek, feeling the softness and warmth. “It’s a little hazy, but I remember. So Gina’s okay? She didn’t get hit?”

“No, she was lucky enough to have some dumb police officer jump in front of her when her abusive boyfriend shot at her.”

“To be fair the dumb police officer’s partner did check the guy for a gun and he didn’t have one, he had one hidden in the living room. She was so scared, Clarke,” Bellamy whispered and squeezed her fingers. “She’d already stabbed him in the leg once when we got there and was threatening him to two knives. Her lip was bloody and both eyes were swelling. She’d just…been hit one too many times and snapped.”

“I don’t blame her, I just wish he’d never had a gun at all.”

“Me too. How’s our boy, he at home with a babysitter?”

“No, he’s in the waiting room. When Miller called me—it wasn’t even the hospital, it was Miller. He said he knew notifying the family took a bit because of paperwork and shit, and when he did I was home with Auggie. I couldn’t wait for someone to come over to watch him, so I brought him. I didn’t tell him what was going on though, just that you were sick but you’re okay.”

Bellamy opened his mouth, but she kept going.

“Everyone’s out there, really, even a few cops. O’s fine, I made sure she was okay. She cried a lot, but Lincoln handled it. Auggie was really worried, he didn’t know why, he barely left my side because he could tell I was upset. There’s no denying he’s your kid, babe.”

“Yeah, I was really worried about his paternity, I mean he looks nothing like me at all. Those blue eyes? What’s that about?”

“I don’t know, I tried to make sure my side guy looked a little like you in case something like this happened.”

Bellamy smiled and puckered his lips, reminding her of Auggie, and she kissed him chastely. “I love you so fucking much, Clarke. I remember it was so hard to breathe, every breath felt like a cinder block was sitting on my chest, but I knew I had to keep breathing because of you and Auggie. I couldn’t—I refused to believe I wouldn’t see you two again, it just wasn’t a possibility. I had to keep breathing, I didn’t care how much blood I coughed up or how much it hurt, I needed to see the blue eyes of the two most important people in the world. And I didn’t need to see them just one more time, I plan on seeing them every day for as long as I can.”

Clarke kissed him again, this time for a little longer. “Years, Blake. You promised me years when we got married, and I’m still in single digits here. You still owe me like, one hundred more at least.”

“Let’s make it a hundred and one just to be safe.”

“Deal.” She looked over his face while brushing a thumb over his bottom lip. “I’m gonna go get everyone, Auggie is probably chomping at the bit.”

“Okay.”

She went for the door, but turned back before opening it. “Bell?” He raised his eyebrows in response. “I love you too.”

He smiled, even chuckled a little bit too. “I know. Go get our boy.”

Hours later she stared him down. “Bellamy.”

“Keep saying my name that way, I don’t care. The whole Mom thing doesn’t work on me, but keep your arms crossed like that, it’s not pushing your boobs up or anything.”

Clarke rolled her eyes, then purposefully dropped her arms. “You shouldn’t be here alone. You just had surgery, Bell. Your chest was cut open, bullets were removed, a tube is still sticking out of your chest.”

“I’m a big boy, I’ll be fine, but we have a little boy who spent most of the day scared without knowing why, a little boy who deserves to sleep in his own home like nothing is wrong. Nothing is wrong, I’m out of surgery, I’m getting the tube removed tomorrow, the next morning at the latest, and I’ll be home in a few days.” He let out a long breath as she continued to stare at him with worried eyes. “They’re going to be giving me more pain meds and shit before lights out anyways, I’m likely to just pass out. Why should you be here when you can be in our bed?”

“I don’t like the idea of you spending the night all alone after what you just went through. And I know I should go home with Auggie, he does deserve to spend the night in his own house, he would be even if I stayed here, Raven said she’d stay with him.”

She bit her lip while looking at their son borrowed into Bellamy’s side, the one without the tube sticking out of course, his eyes shut, his bink in his mouth as always, his entire body sagged into his father’s, completely content.

“But you’re right, he wouldn’t react well to waking up without you or me there, and I don’t want to upset him any more than he already was today.”

“I love you for caring, but that’s my area of expertise being the big brother and now father, so don’t edge in on my territory.”

Clarke grinned and sat down near his hip, making sure not to disturb his chest tube. “Because mothers don’t care or worry at all, we just sit back and relax.”

“You know what O told me today? After she was done cussing me out for getting hurt?”

“While she hugged you for a whole ten minutes or after that?”

“After that. She said she wants to name the baby after me. She still thinks it’s a boy even though I feel it in my bones that it’s a girl.”

“Mmhm, but you were sure Auggie was a girl too, so I wouldn’t have that much faith in your bones.”

“I wasn’t sure he was a girl, I just wanted to bicker with you about it and then I wanted to have rights to the naming, it just kinda escalated.”

“Sure, but I think it’s great she wants to name the baby after you. Besides, Bellamy can be a girl name, it’s unisex.” 

“I’m hoping she’ll be more creative than to just name her Bellamy.” He stopped as Auggie adjusted in his sleep. “You should be getting home though, before it’s too hard to get him back to sleep after waking him.”

“I don’t remember kissing you this morning,” she blurted in response.

“Uhm?”

“I—it’s been on my mind since you were in surgery. I was trying to think of the last thing I said to you, but I can’t remember. You’d think it would be easy, it was twelve hours ago, less than that earlier. I just kept thinking that those can have been the last words I said to you and I didn’t remember them, or if I even kissed you goodbye. Now I’ve been thinking about it all day and I just feel like…I don’t know, I hate that I forget it.”

“Hey.” The arm closest to her moved from Auggie’s shoulder to her thigh. “It doesn’t matter if you did or didn’t remember, those were never going to be your last words to me, that wasn’t our last kiss. I knew it even when I was coughing up blood.”

“But I can’t even remember, Bell,” she murmured with tears threatening to spill down her cheeks.

“You were wearing that shirt you stole from me when you were like nineteen. The one with Darth Vader’s floating head on it, but also has paint platters all over it. That, and a pair of short shorts with your robe, which I know robes are universally thought of as unattractive, I think, but yours is short and satin-y, so I think you look hot in it.”

“I did not steal it! You gave it to me.”

“You stole it and painted in it, therefore getting paint all over it, so I was forced to let you have it.”

“It was white paint, it would have matched just fine and looked artsy.”

“But you have those matching _Star Wars_ panties that are lacy around the edges and wore them together once so—it was just for the greater good that you kept it. I’d just have blue balls every time I wore it anyways.”

“I shouldn’t tell you that I’m wearing a pair of _Star Wars_ panties right now, should I? That would be mean.”

“Fuck. I am never getting shot again.”

Clarke grinned triumphantly. “Good.”

Bellamy smiled up at her softly. “Auggie was eating breakfast and drinking out of his cup when you mentioned we should get going because I had to drop him off at Allie’s for playgroup. I helped Auggie put his dishes in the sink, then threw him over my shoulder to go to the car. You handed me his lunch, you were laughing, and told me to turn around so you could kiss him goodbye. Then I turned back around to kiss your cheek since Auggie was kicking his feet while making that squealing sound he gets from Octavia. I wished you good luck—“

“On my tattoo, I told you to be safe, that I loved you, and watched you leave.”

“I said that I love you too and winked, if we’re gonna go into detail.”

“If we’re going into detail I told you to be safe, so fuck off.”

“There’s my girl,” he murmured while cupping her cheek softly.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t remember.”

“Clarke, you remembered, you were just stressed and overthinking everything. _I’m_ sorry I got shot.”

“No,” Clarke said with a shake of the head, “you’re not. You saved a woman’s life. You’d do it again if you had to.”

“Then I guess I’m sorry for that.”

“Don’t be, you’re brave and have a big heart. Everything you are I want Auggie to be too, that includes the kind of person who would help anyone, especially strangers.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” she whispered and leaned down to kiss him gently.

“Ma-ma?” Auggie woke in a yawn, his bink falling out of his mouth. “Da,” he groaned and buried himself in Bellamy’s shoulder with a faint whine.

“He definitely wakes up like you, cranky and groggy.”

“Shut up,” Clarke chastised and walked around the bed to get closer. “Baby, it’s time to go home, okay? Say bye to daddy.”

“No, Da!” he started to cry into Bellamy’s hospital gown.

“Hey, none of that,” Bellamy ordered in a light tone and lifted Auggie’s face by the chin. “Go home with Mama, you’ll be back in the morning to hang out with me. You can bring the tablet so we can play games and maybe your DVD player so we can watch _The Lion King_ , all three of them. I bet Mommy can bring a book so I can read to you. But for that all to happen you gotta go home and go to sleep.”

Auggie’s tears dried up, but he continued to be upset. “Awe, baby boy,” Clarke lifted him into her arms and he clung to her like a monkey. “How about you sleep in Mom and Dad’s bed tonight with me, huh? Just me, you, Zeus, and some cartoons. Next thing you know it will be morning and we’ll be coming to spend the day with Dad.”

He pulled his head away and nodded, his eyes droopy and wet. She could tell me was still very tired.

“Okay, kiss Daddy goodnight and tell him you love him.”

Auggie wrapped his arms gingerly around Bellamy and hugged him. “Luh-ve you, Dada,” he mumbled before giving him a sloppy kiss.

“I love you too, buddy. Cuddle your mom for me, alright?”

Auggie climbed into Clarke’s arms and laid his head on her shoulder, his eyes already closed. “Call me if you can’t sleep, okay? Or anything happens or—“

“You do realize Maya is working, right? And she’s gonna check in on me during rounds, you even made her promise to call you if anything happens or she finds me awake. You have an inside man, no you have a nurse and that is much scarier because nurses are badass.”

“Okay, okay.”

“Now kiss me and go home before he starts to drool on you.”

“Bossy,” she muttered, but did as she was told. “Love you.”

“Mm, love you too,” he whispered before kissing her again and ruffling Auggie’s hair.

-:-

By his tenth week at home Bellamy was ready to go back to work, to run a marathon even, anything besides sit around, nap, and doing breathing exercises.

Honestly, he was sick of sitting at home by the sixth week, but was still getting hard of breath after taking a walk around the block so he really didn’t have the right to complain until he was almost at full health. He wasn’t allowed back to work until he’d been off twelve weeks with regular respiratory therapy and passed a physical, which was one of the few things Clarke enjoyed about his job now. At least they made sure he was back to full health before putting him out on the street to run after a perp or whatever.

Plus he was free childcare, which really is a shitty way of putting it because Bellamy wasn’t babysitting their son, he was parenting. It was a pet peeve of Clarke’s, when people called father’s watching their children watching or babysitting. Either way it gave Clarke three months of regular work at the tattoo parlor and even some more time to work on her art without interruption.

It was nice having Bellamy around more, more than just nights or a few days off after he’s been working a few days in a row. It was nice, but she was also getting a little sick of him, only a little.

Maybe a little more than a little.

“What is with cartoons these days? What happened to shows that had substance, were funny, age appropriate, and had references an adult would get while it went over the kids’ innocent heads? Huh? Give me _Rugrats, Hey Arnold!,_ even _Rocket Power_ any day over this _Team Umizoomi_ shit. What is that? And don’t even get me started on _Caillou,_ thank God that is not Auggie’s favorite show. I would probably break the TV just so he couldn’t watch it anymore.”

Clarke nodded while folding laundry, something Bellamy could easily do, but he was too busy dirtying dishes and getting all of Auggie’s toys out to play with, but not put away, and complaining about children’s cartoons.

“Have you ever watched _Yo Gabba Gabba!,_ babe? That shit isn’t for humans, let alone children, it belongs in kids’ nightmares, not on channels specially designed for them. Fuck, shit like that makes me miss _Gullah Gullah Island,_ you remember that one, babe?”

She continued to fold laundry while nodding.

“Babe?” He kicked her food. “Clarke, you listening?”

“Oh my God, Bellamy, which rant is it? The cartoon one? The one about how when your grandfather was home and didn’t like what you were watching he would change it to the History Channel and that is why you love history so much? Is it the one where you want to do that with Auggie now? Or maybe it’s you upset how they seem to play the same _SpongeBob_ over and over again so you’re beginning to dislike the show? What are you complaining about now?”

Bellamy looked unimpressed by her outburst. “I’m sorry, am I annoying you? Because I don’t care, I’m beginning to annoy my fucking self. Do you know what the most exciting part of my day is? Jacking off in the shower. I am a married man, a father of one, and have the hottest wife known to man, and I get excited by showering. Because the rest of my day is spent pretending animals talk, watching horrible TV shows, and doing breathing exercises I don’t even need anymore because my lung is _fine_.”

“You know what you sound like, Bell?” she questioned while putting their laundry away and Auggie’s in the basket. “A housewife, like me after I had Auggie even. Being stuck at home sucks, I know, but you’re spending quality time with your son and it’s not like you’re doing dishes or laundry, so really, what are you complaining about? TV shows?”

“Hey, I love spending time with Auggie, he’s the best thing in my life, our life, and I know it’s a fucking gift staying at home with him, but I need a little more excitement in my life than a new episode of _Dora the Explorer,_ which FYI the toddler version is so much better than her as a grown-up, what does she think, she’s on the same level as _The Rugrats?_ I don’t think so, and even then _All Grown Up_ didn’t last that long.”

Clarke doubled over the bed laughing and was unable to stop.

“This isn’t funny! These are serious things going on in my life right now! Clarke! You’re supposed to be supportive!”

She continued to laugh as he pouted, but it was just too much.

“Jesus, listen to me, my problems deal with cartoons and getting a one year old to eat. I just got shot, you’d think that would give me some street cred, but no, after this conversation it’s gone. I am officially a lame parent. I didn’t think this would happen until Auggie was like ten at the earliest.”

Clarke stopped laughing and straddled Bellamy’s waist with a frown. “Aw, baby, if it makes you feel any better I’ve always thought you were lame.”

His arms lazily wrapped around her hips. “Yeah, well, that’s why I married you. Everyone else thought I was cool, that whole reputation I built up is gone.”

“I’m sorry that jerking off became the most stimulating part of your day,” Clarke murmured, her lips dangerously close to his. “And I know you’ve been allowed to have sex, you’ve been able to since two weeks after your surgery, I just thought—okay, I didn’t think anything, I just wanted you to heal without complications.”

Bellamy grinned and touched their lips together, but it was barely a kiss. “I blame your mother for that, going on and on about infection and what I can and can’t do. She made you nervous.”

“Lung surgery is serious, Bell. I didn’t want anything to get in the way of you healing.”

“Because running after a one year old isn’t tiring at all. That kid is active, Clarke.”

“He’s loved having you around so much. I’m worried how he’ll react when you go back to work in two weeks.”

“He’ll throw a tantrum, but he’ll be fine. I was already thinking of spending time out of the house without him over the next week or two, just so he can get used to my not being home.”

“That’s a good idea, you’ve really got this parenting stuff down, it’s kinda hot.”

“Just kinda?”

“You’d be so much hotter if you did dishes or the laundry or picked up after Auggie.”

Bellamy let out a long breath. “Sorry, I’ve been shitty about it. If I’m at a point in my life where it’s acceptable to nap, I’m gonna do it, and I’m gonna do it with my son in my arms while I still can. In two weeks napping will be frowned upon by certain people, meaning my sexy wife.”

“Only if I’m not the one wrapped up in your arms next time.”

“Hm, deal,” he whispered and pressed their lips together.

“Bell?” Clarke gasped as he kissed down her neck. He let loose a kind of ‘hmph’ sound in response. “I want to have a baby.”

He pulled away with wide eyes. “Like as an outcome of tonight or—?”

“No, I mean, I’m still on birth control now. But I do think I want another baby. Auggie’s gonna be two in a few months, next thing you know he’ll be going to kindergarten and—we always said we wanted more than one. Let’s shoot for two.”

Bellamy cupped her cheeks. “You’re sure about this? I didn’t know if because of how you were on partial bedrest at the end of your pregnancy, then the whole postpartum deal if you’d really want to go through it again.”

“It’ll be different this time, I know it. I won’t be as stressed, as worried, as wound up. I’m—I only made it through postpartum because of you, because of how great you were with me and Auggie. I know the symptoms now, how to deal with it should they come back. I’m stronger than I was and I love being a mom. I love Auggie, I love waking up to his smile and laugh, I love the way he lights up when I enter a room, I love knowing I can comfort him after a bad dream. I want to do it again, Bell, in a better state of mind. I want to give Auggie a little brother or sister, even if it’s going to make me want to pull my hair out down the road.”

“You won’t pull your hair out, you’ll have me.”

“To pull my hair out for me?” she questioned with a smile.

“Hm, I’ll definitely pull your hair, babe, just in a different way, in a different circumstance.”

“Oh really?” she squeaked when Bellamy flipped them over.

“You’re sure about this? You wanna have another one?”

Clarke nodded and pulled on his shirt until it came off. “I do. I don’t think what we’re about to do really counts though since I do have the implant still in, but we can practice until I get an appointment sometime this week.”

Bellamy tugs her shirt off now. “Well we should go slow anyways, with it being the first time since my surgery and all.”

“Definitely, nice and slow.”

She’s pregnant three months later—and there is no fear or feelings of panic, just complete and utter happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much again for reading.  
> Please kudos/comment and come back for the third and final part!


	3. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the end, enjoy.

“Hey, you two!” Clarke scolded in a hushed voice as she came down the stairs. Two pairs of feet immediately stopped in their tracks. “Quiet time, your sister is sleeping.”

Auggie, now five years old with the wit and intelligence of both Bellamy and Clarke dangerously matched with his father’s good looks, rolled his eyes. He was a force of nature, but ultimately a protector, a big brother. “She’s _always_ sleeping.”

Clarke ruffled both her son’s hair as she walked by them. “If only that were true, my child, but keep it down and don’t make a mess! The party is starting soon.”

Her youngest son attached himself to the back of her legs as she made her way to the kitchen. “Mama, what’s a revel party?”

She didn’t bother to remove him as she put together a cheese platter. “You know how Auntie O and Aunt Raven are both having babies?” She felt his nod into her legs. “Well, a _reveal_ party is when they find out if they are having a boy or a girl. Tonight you’ll find out if you’re getting a boy and girl cousin, or two girls, or two boys.”

“How do they not know?”

Clarke smiled and turned to crouch before her always-inquisitive three year old, Emerick Robert Blake, more commonly known as Em or Emmy. She was sure when he got older he’d hate Emmy, but he’d live. Like Auggie, he was a spitting image of Bellamy, but his hair was more manageable than his brother’s, and he had something called heterochromia iridium, which a stupidly long name for meaning he has one brown eye and one blue, well blue with a spec of brown on the bottom right.

 “The baby is inside of them, they can’t see it, so they don’t know. Remember how we didn’t know if your sister was a boy or girl?”

“Tria’s a girl!” Emerick responded like it was knowledge he’d known all along.

“Yes, she is, but we didn’t know that until she came out of Mama.”

“So how do we know what Auntie O and Aunt Raven are having?”

“Well, you can find out from the doctor, he can use a machine to take a picture of inside the belly. Your dad and I wanted to be surprised, but your aunts don’t, so they had their doctor’s write it down and seal it in an envelope so I could know and plan the party.”

Emerick nodded before deciding he was content with this knowledge and ran off to play with his big brother. Clarke smiled before she went back to preparing food while all three of her kids were otherwise engaged.

Emerick, technically, was the only child they actually planned to have. Auggie, of course, was a surprise, and their latest was mostly a surprise. Em was two and Auggie was four when Bellamy wanted to discuss having another, his one last chance at a girl (he _really_ wanted a girl), or just call it quits. They had two, wonderful healthy boys, there was nothing wrong with just being happy with them.

Well, literally the next month Clarke found herself pregnant and Bellamy had been over the moon. She told him boy or girl this was the last one. She wasn’t interested in creating her own softball team or whatever, three was her perfect number.

Demetria Griffin Blake was born four months ago, and had quickly been nicknamed Tria. Clarke had let Bellamy pick the name, honoring their deal so many years ago, and she’d cried when he announced their daughter would carry a piece of Clarke’s father with her by having the middle name of Griffin.

It turned out all her children were named after her father one way or another and that made Abby cry with joy too. Auggie took her father’s first name as his middle, Emerick had come to be when she had a dream with her father in it and he’d whispered it in her ear, and Griffin, of course, was his last name.

“Mama—“ Auggie started, then stopped abruptly. “Nevermind!”

Clarke’s eyes flicked to the time. Sometimes her son knew Bellamy’s schedule better than she did, which was weird because it continually changed, but if Bellamy was five minutes late he began to worry. They suspected he had memories of when his dad was shot, not real memories, probably just feelings of panic and knew it had to with Bellamy not coming home from work on time, so now Bellamy did his best to be home right on time or call if he was late.

Then the front door opened, Zeus let loose one loud ‘woof!’ and both her boys made screeching sounds. Daddy’s home.

“What did I say about inside voices?!” she called in a motherly tone and instantly there was silence.

“Monty’s not here yet?”

Clarke smiled up as Miller kissed her cheek in greeting. “Do you see my son’s gawking over your son?”

“Fair enough,” he replied before sitting down at the kitchen table. “He is cute though, huh?”

“The cutest little afro-having baby I’ve ever seen,” Clarke promised with a wink and Miller chuckled.

Him and Monty married over a year ago, but adopted just a few months ago. Mailo was only a few days old when they got him, but they loved him with something fierce, as any parent does, and both melted around their son. They were told he had a white mom and a black dad, the adoption was closed, and neither parent wanted anything to do with him.

Monty and Miller didn’t care what race the child the child they adopted was, but they wanted to be aware of the race in case he wanted to learn his own heritage. Mailo (pronounced like Milo) David Miller-Green was definitely loved by both his dad’s and anyone who laid eyes on him really. Her sons were smitten, but to be fair they loved any baby. And yeah, Tria was cool, but she lived with them and they had the fun of hearing her cry at night sometimes so she lost some of her shine.

Soon Bellamy was waddling into the kitchen, a boy on each legs giggling as he pretended to struggle with their weight.

“Shower and change before coming home?” she questioned her husband after a once over.

“You know my sister, if everyone isn’t party ready the moment she arrives it’s like we’re dishonoring her cow or something. Figured I’d play it safe.”

“Good call, you’re on baby duty while I make sure your sister doesn’t rip the box open to see what the baby’s gonna be. I understand she’s trying to be there for Raven, we all are, but I’m one complaint away from telling her the gender and ruining it for her.”

Bellamy wrapped arms around her from behind as the boys attacked Uncle Nate, asking questions about Mailo and whatever else came to mind. “Or you could tell me the gender and I can ruin it for her.”

Clarke leaned back against him as he nuzzled her neck. “Hm, nice try.” They’re at that beautiful time where Tria is starting to sleep more than she doesn’t at night so they’re taking advantage of it by not exactly sleeping themselves. “How long’s the baby been asleep?”

“Half an hour, not even? So if you’re gonna roughhouse with the boys please take it outside so we don’t have to deal with her crankiness all night if you wake her up.”

“Yes, Mom,” he teased. “Hey Miller, mind taking the boys outside while I seduce my wife for a sec?”

“Is that all it takes?” Miller questioned while the boys ran ahead of them, letting them know they can be loud once outside.

“Trust me, it takes longer,” Clarke mentioned off-handedly while putting platters of food into the fridge. “So did you think about it?” she asked immediately.

Bellamy sighed. “So you were being serious?”

“Look at our track record, Bell. The minute we even think about babies I’m pregnant, I told you three’s enough. I’m done. We have two wonderful boys, a beautiful girl, a guard dog, I’m open to talks of a fish if you’re sure you can take care of it. What more do you want?”

“World peace?”

Clarke gave him a look.

“Hey, you were being dickish first, I just went with the flow. I said I’d think about it.”

“Think about it or look into it? If you do the research you’d see it’s not that invasive, it’s barely even surgery, it’s a doctor’s visit.”

“Babe, we’re talking about getting my balls snipped, I think I deserve some time to think about it.”

“They’re not literally going to snip your balls off, Bell, and your sperm has made it through my birth control twice already, they’re like Olympic qualifiers or something—don’t grin at that—so I think I have the right to want you to get snipped rather than me. For me it’s an actual surgery, a recovery time, a hormonal change—“

“I get it, I get it,” he interrupted. “I get that it’s easier for me to do it, I get that you won’t have to worry if I do it, I get that unless I have a legitimate reason or a good argument you can make my life a living hell until I do it, can we just not get into it today? We literally started discussing this last night, while I was still basking in the glow of an orgasm mind you, it was shocking. You can’t just throw that on a guy.”

Clarke wrapped her arms around his neck. “I know, that’s why I’m not threatening sex or anything yet. You have some leeway. I’m just saying…you get snipped you’ll never have to wear a condom ever again. All raw, all the time.”

“Noted.”

Before she could go on the front door opened and their four year old niece ran at them with the excitement only a child can have. “I get a brother or sister today!” she announced as Bellamy caught her.

“No, you find out if you’re getting a little brother or little sister today,” he corrected with tummy tickles and she squeaked.

Octavia’s first child, as Bellamy predicted, was a girl but O still named her after the most important person in her life—her big brother. Luxabelle Olivia Woods went by Lux and adored her Uncle Belly, her namesake, but liked to cause trouble whenever possible.

Lux meant light so Octavia reasoned combining the beginning of Bellamy’s name with Lux because he was the light of her life as a kid (and young adult) and she probably wouldn’t be alive without him. She explained this while putting her in Bellamy’s arms for the first time and he cried (Jasper recorded it). Originally she wanted her middle name to be Olympia, she was too much like Bellamy in the name department, but they’d convinced her to go with Olivia.

O wanted a boy this time, but Bellamy wanted her to have another girl just to spite her.

As for Raven…they all just wanted Raven to be taken care of. She’d gotten in a car accident a few years ago and suffered nerve damage in the lower half of her left leg. Wick had tried to be there for her, but ultimately she pushed him away and they broke up.

The boys still saw him from time to time, Bellamy had been friends with Kyle before he began dating Raven, but Clarke didn’t see much of him these days.

Eventually Raven was herself again with the help of her family, them, and pulled herself back together. She didn’t let anything stop her, she managed the best garage in town, she still got underneath engines and did everything she did before, but it took some adjusting. So a few months ago when she announced she was pregnant, planned on keeping it and being a single mom no one doubted her, but they all wanted to be there for her.

The dad, a guy named Shawn she’d met at a bar, was younger than her, but wanted to be involved. Raven told him he could be as involved as he wanted to be, or he could just forget about them, his choice. After about a week he showed up at her apartment with flowers and a baby rattle saying he wanted to be a dad and she agreed to let him. They weren’t dating, but Clarke could see it happen if they wanted it to.

Raven was definitely a driving force on her own and Wick was too and no one wanted a backseat driver so it’s probably for the best they broke up. Shawn is more of a co-pilot, someone who takes the passenger seat, but won’t be walked all over. Clarke liked him, he was nice and was working really hard to be there for Raven and the baby, was giving her money even when she told him she didn’t need anything and showed up at every doctor’s appointment without fail.

They all knew this reveal party was really for Raven, as a way of them being there for her. Octavia decided when Raven announced she was pregnant and she was pregnant too that she’d take their best friend under her motherly wing. O was arranging doctor visits at the same time, taking birthing classes with her, agreed to do the reveal party together when she originally wanted to be surprised, and planned on being as there for her as Raven would allow.

Clarke was as well, in her own way. Octavia was the one more likely to hover of the two of them, but Clarke would stop by Raven’s and help clean, make dinner, do some grocery shopping, put a load of laundry in, anything to help. Pregnancy was exhausting, and with your first one everything is new and scary, Clarke knew from experience whereas O had the easiest pregnancies ever and to top it all off she had her first baby in under an hour. Clarke was in labor for over twenty hours with Auggie, then pushed for four hours alone.

Octavia was six months along, while Raven was almost five. So far Raven hadn’t gotten annoyed with their trying to be there for her and Clarke was hoping it stayed that way. They all knew she could do it alone, but wanted to remind her she wasn’t.

“What if the boxes got switched? What if I think I’m having a girl, but I’m having a boy because you messed,” Octavia stopped under Clarke’s glare once the party got into fullswing. “I’m just saying, how do you know?”

“I put the doctor’s note at the bottom of each box and besides I know what each of you is having so if I mixed them up I’d tell you.” Clarke sighed and looked down at her cranky four month old.

Tria was the only one to look more like her than Bellamy, which could have something to do with her being a girl, but whatever. Clarke looked more like her dad than her mom. Tria had blonde wavy hair, her nose, chin, and lips, however she did have brown eyes like Bellamy.

“Sh, you’re fine, baby girl,” she murmured while pressing a kiss to her forehead. “I know, your dad is supposed to be on baby duty, but what can I do? Yell at him,” she went on as her daughter fussed.

“Hey, I am grilling over here, don’t blame me,” Bellamy called without turning around and she grinned.

“Can we open the boxes already? I have names to think about,” Octavia groaned.

“You ready?” Clarke questioned towards Raven, who had been laughing with Shawn over something. She nodded with a smile. Pregnancy definitely made Raven glow. “Alright, Dads, grab some knives, you have boxes to open up.”

Raven and O were moved to sit on the picnic bench in front of two brown boxes Clarke had filled with the appropriate colored balloon and a newborn onesie, just to be cute.

“Everyone gather ‘round!” Bellamy called, Auggie in his arms, Mailo in Miller’s, Lux in Octavia’s lap, and Jasper had Emerick.

“I want a boy!” Lux said and looked at them as if it didn’t happen there would be hell to pay.

Shawn and Lincoln both looked at one another before cutting the boxes open, trying to do it at the same time. One second after another two bundles of pink balloons flowed out of each box, one or two floating away all together, on purpose, but most were tied to a weight at the bottom.

Octavia just grinned and hugged Lux to her body. The little girl sighed, but hugged her mother back just the same as Lincoln kissed O’s lips.

Raven’s hand covered her mouth in shock, but Shawn still hugged her to him either way, and after a moment she managed to hug back. Raven would probably have more in common with a boy, but fuck gender roles, it’s likely any kid of Raven is gonna be cool as hell.

“There is more in the bottom,” Clarke insisted, keeping Tria’s bink in her mouth to appease her, “and there is something for you too, Lux,” she added with a wink.

Octavia pulled out a pink onesie that said “I’m the little sister!” and handed Lux a shirt that was just a tad too big that read “I’m the big sister!” so it would fit her when the baby was born.

Raven pulled her onesie out that was purple and said “Mommy’s Little Helper” with a wrench and car underneath. “Clarke,” she sniffled and Clarke took the hint to get closer for a hug. “Thank you so much for this.”

“You’re never gonna be alone, Rae,” she promised into her best friend’s ear. “And I think Shawn’s great, FYI.”

Raven pulled away with a smile while wiping her eyes. “Yeah, I’m being cautiously optimistic, seeing how this all goes.”

“I’m gonna be a big sister!” Lux squealed while hugging her Aunt Raven from the side. “I’ll be your baby’s big sister too, Aunt Rae!”

Raven held their niece close. “Yeah?”

“I’ll be her big brother!” Auggie insisted, never one to be outdone, especially in the older sibling department.

“Me too!” Emerick agreed, leaning against Clarke’s legs while smiling at his little sister. “Ask Tria, I’m good at it.”

“We’re good at it,” Auggie corrected him with a hip bump.

Raven looked like she was going to fall apart from the cuteness. “Hey, we’re all family here, we’re all gonna be there for both the new babies, right?” Clarke spoke up. All the kids shouted their yes’s, making Tria begin to whine.

“Alright, kids, over here, tell me what you want and what you want on it,” Bellamy called and the children all made a run for him.

“You have a name yet?” Monty wondered, Mailo happy as a clam in his arms, as always. “It took us forever to name this little guy and we didn’t know when we were going to get a baby, if it was going to be a baby, let alone a boy or girl, so we didn’t even know if we needed names or not.”

“You got the David part down real quick,” Jasper offered while making faces at his nephew. Everyone loves Uncle Jasper. He’s kind of a pushover, so he is not allowed to babysit unless someone is with him, namely Maya.

“Only ‘cause both of our fathers are named David,” Monty said with a roll of the eyes then gave him a pointed look.

“Hey, don’t look at me, I’m still planning a wedding over here, not even thinking about babies yet.”

“You better start,” Maya warned while getting up from the table to refill her class, making everyone ‘oooh!’ at him.

“Phoenix,” Raven said softly and they all turned to her. “I want to name her Phoenix Aviana.”

“That’s beautiful, Rae,” O assured her with a shoulder squeeze. “I’m naming mine Leighton Blake, we’re gonna call her Lei.”

Clarke looked down at Tria. “I think your Auntie O is stealing Daddy’s ideas, what do you think?”

“Shut up!” O laughed then took Lux’s plate from her to begin cutting up her hotdog.

Bellamy appeared behind Clarke, putting two plates in front of her. “Miller’s on grill now that the kids are getting fed so I can help with the boys. What do you want so I can make you plate?”

Clarke leaned back and puckered her lips for him to kiss. “Hm, you’re sweet, but can you take the baby so I can go to the bathroom? Then I’ll make a big plate for the both of us,” she countered.

“Deal.” Bellamy lifted Tria out of her arms and replaced her at the table.

She was exiting the bathroom when she heard a knock coming from the front door. Her nose crinkled as she went for it—most of the people she associated with where already here except for her parents, but they were in California for a charity thing.

Clarke opened the door to find a man walking down the steps. “Hello?”

He turned around and faltered in his steps. “Uh, hi.” He was older with black slicked back hair, and a darker skin tone. He was skinny, more like frail, and his clothes looked like they were hanging off of him.

“Can I help you?”

“I think I might be too late, or have the wrong house, um,” the man came back up onto the porch. “Does Bellamy Blake still live here?”

Clarke looked down at her ringless left finger. She didn’t like wearing Bellamy’s grandmother’s ring because it felt too precious to just wear around, and since she was not only an artist, but a tattoo artist, she was often taking off her wedding ring for cleanliness, so both her and Bellamy decided to get tattoos on their left ring fingers. Her’s simply read ‘Bellamy’ in small cursive script, and his, naturally, was just ‘Clarke’ in the same writing.

“Yeah, that’s my husband,” she told the man. He seemed shocked by this news. “Do you want me to get him?”

“I, yes, you—“ he stopped as a voice interrupted from inside the house.

“Hey, I think Tria needs a diaper change—“ Bellamy stopped mid-sentence when he reached the door.

Clarke turned. “Uh, Bell, this guy was just asking for you?” she told him, expecting him to be suspicious too, but his eyes were fixed on the man before them, Tria nowhere in sight.

“What are you doing here?” Bellamy demanded, his jaw doing that angry guy grinding thing.

“Bellamy,” the man said in a soft whisper, like if he was any louder it would spook Bellamy and he would run and hide.

Clarke just looked back and forth between the two, knowing when to keep her mouth shut.

“What are you doing here, Kenny?” Bellamy repeated, this time harsher.

The man, Kenny apparently, opened his mouth, but all that came out was a sickening cough that he battled through for a long minute making him breathe heavily after.

“Why are you here? Are you dying or something?” Bellamy asked, just cutting to the chase.

Clarke wanted to intervene, but knew it wasn’t her place, but she also know if Bellamy wanted her to leave he would have told her to by now.

Kenny nodded solemnly. “Lung cancer.”

“So what are you doing here? The last time I saw you I was four and you left a Kenny-shaped hole in this very front door after my mom told you she was pregnant again. You left so quick you almost said sorry when you bumped into me on the way out, the one time you actually acknowledged my presence.”

Just like that it clicked for Clarke. This was Bellamy’s father, more commonly referred to as his sperm donor. She could see the resemblance between the two of them, they were the same height, shared some likeness in their features, had the same hands.

“Bellamy I—I just came to,” he stopped and coughed once more. “I’m dying and I—“

“So, what? You’re here to apologize for never claiming me and my sister as your own? For never caring to check in on us after leaving us with a broken-hearted mother who later became a heroin addict? For not caring to make an appearance at her funeral when we buried her when I was eighteen? For not wondering what became of Octavia? I became her guardian and dropped out of school, in case you wondered how it all played out.” Bellamy’s hands turned to fists as he stood closer to the dying man before them. “Well save it, I don’t want anything from you. I don’t want your apology, I don’t want to be a regret, and I sure as hell don’t want to be in the back of your mind as you lie in your deathbed.”

Kenny looked up at him under heavy eyes. “I just—wanted to see how you were.”

Now Bellamy stepped back to stand next to Clarke. “Me? I’m great. I have a beautiful wife, three healthy kids, a fucking amazing sister who is married and has a kid of her own, one on the way, and friends who are better family than I have ever known. The way I see it,” he began while softening his expression, “I’m not your son, so you don’t have to feel guilty about anything. Had you been there my life could have been a helluva lot easier, but it also would have been hell because I never would have grown to be so strong, I wouldn’t be as close with Octavia. I raised her, I helped put her through school, and I walked her down the aisle. I did that, I did it all on my own and I couldn’t be more proud of her, my sister—she’s brilliant and beautiful and a force of nature. It turned out we didn’t need anyone, not you, not mom, no one. We had each other, and together we found a family. Had you been around I probably would never have met Clarke, I wouldn’t have my kids, I wouldn’t have this life and,” he looked down at Clarke and linked their hands together, “I love my life. I wouldn’t change a thing, so I don’t need you feeling guilty about not being there or not caring. I’m fine, O’s fine, and we don’t need to be your regrets either. So you can go back to your big house in Mount Weather and die peacefully with your wife and kids and hopefully some grandkids by your side without having us on your conscience.”

Kenny looked at them for a long moment before nodding and turning to go down the porch. On the last step he turned back to look at them. “Bellamy, you’re more of a man than I ever was or could have hoped to be,” he insisted, then kept walking to his car without a word.

Once the car was gone Clarke turned to Bellamy, who slumped against the side of the house, probably emotionally exhausted. “This is going to sound shitty, but are you okay?” she whispered while brushing her knuckles down his cheek.

He nodded slowly. “I, uh, I have to change Tria, I left her with Maya,” he mumbled and opened the door for them to go back in the house.

Maya was walking into the living room, a grumpy Tria in her arms. “Hey, I wondered what was taking so long…” she trailed off as Bellamy took the baby without a word and went upstairs. “Is everything okay?”

“Uh, yeah, let’s get back outside,” Clarke said and led her outside. Raven was helping the boys eat, thankfully, Miller helping too now that the grilling was done. She made her way to O and bent down to whisper in her ear. “You need to go upstairs and talk to Bellamy.”

O turned, confused. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes, well no, but he needs you right now, not me. He’ll explain everything.”

Her sister nodded, still confused, but didn’t ask any questioned before giving Lincoln a look that meant ‘feed our daughter’ and went to go find Bellamy.

Clarke watched her go and knew it was the right thing to do. He needed Octavia now, he’d talk to her later.

Bellamy came into their room hours later, exhaustion obvious in his features as he leaned back against their closed door and scrubbed a hand over his face before pulling off his shirt in one swift moment.

“She went down easy,” Clarke noted, putting her sketchbook away.

He nodded and flopped down on their bed, kicking off his jeans obnoxiously. Afterwards he just started at the ceiling, his hands flat on his stomach.

Clarke took it upon herself to straddle his waist and get in his line of vision. “I’m only gonna ask once because I don’t want to be pushy or whatever. Is this something you want to talk about now or later, I’m on your timetable, babe.”

Wordlessly Bellamy reached up and cupped her cheeks, but made no movement further.

“Are you okay?” she whispered, leaning down to rest her forehead on his, rubbing their noses together.

“Octavia didn’t cry. I thought she’d cry. I don’t—I don’t know how I feel.”

“Octavia’s strong, even with all those pregnant hormones she knows he’s not worth it.”

“She cried during _The Hunchback of Notre Dame_ last week.”

“Hey, that Feast of Fools scene is heart wrenching, okay? All Quasimodo wanted was some friends and they threw stuff at him! Humans can be evil.”

Bellamy’s hands dropped onto her bare thighs while sighing, his eyes moving over her attire. She wore a cotton camisole that swooped low and a pair of white boy shorts to match. “Is this part of some plan to get my balls snipped?”

Clarke rolled her eyes and sat back on her haunches. “No, I was trying to show some skin to be nice, you had a trying day, you know.”

“Well you look nice.”

“Bell, we can have sex or,” she let out a long breath, “we can do whatever, I just need to know what you need because I honestly don’t know how to handle the visit we had today. Your parents are a sore subject, rightfully so, but—“

He sat up and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “I told you, I don’t know how I feel. I mean, I don’t feel bad he’s dying, but I also don’t know him, how can you feel bad someone you never knew is dying?”

“You did know him, Bell, you knew him as the guy who walked on you and your mom, the guy who never cared, never gave a damn. I think it’s okay to not care.”

“I meant what I said, he’s not my dad. I used to wonder what it would be like if he came back one day, back when Mom was getting bad or after she died, but I haven’t even cared to think about him in years.”

“There is nothing wrong with that either,” Clarke murmured while playing with his hand, fiddling with his fingers.

“I actually know the last time I thought of him. The day Auggie was born, when I held him in my arms the first time. I remember looking down at this little squirming thing and thinking this was mine, this wasn’t a little sister or brother, _I_ made this, this perfect little human. And I just—I loved him so much and wondered how there are parents who don’t care, how he couldn’t have cared about me or O. I love our kids more than I ever thought possible. You know you’ll love your kid, everyone tells you everything changes the moment you look at them, how much love you’ll have for them, but,” he stopped with a sigh.

Clarke opened her mouth to respond, but he went on.

“But I guess it’s all part of the grand scheme of things, you know? Because if all parents were perfect there wouldn’t be adoption and Monty and Miller wouldn’t have Mailo.”

She kissed his palm in silent comfort.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get it, what he did. It’s just embedded in me to take care of family, to take care of what’s mine, and now after all this time I think I’m probably better off. He wasn’t a good guy, he treated my mom like shit, he never even cared to look at me for too long, never cared to meet Octavia, he just never cared. Had I grown up with him I probably wouldn’t be who I am, wouldn’t have the life I do and I fucking love my life.”

“I love your life too.”

Bellamy grinned and pulled her close. “I’m okay, I really am, I just didn’t expect him to ever seek me out. It’s a little disorienting.”

“Would I be helping but saying you don’t have to get your balls snipped?”

He laughed and she smiled triumphantly. “We both know I’m going to end up getting them snipped. I want that all raw, all the time deal. Think of the money we’ll save by never buying condoms again.”

Clarke pressed their lips together for a quick kiss. “You know if you really wanted a fourth I’d really think about it—“

“Sh,” he mumbled while rubbing their noses together. “Three’s enough, you’re enough, besides we’re running out of room and I want you to keep your studio for as long as possible. That room keeps you sane and if we have another we’d have to make into a bedroom for Tria so the new baby can go in the nursery and it’s just so much easier to get snipped and have sex without condoms forever. I’m doing it for the good of the family.”

“Hm, you’re so selfless, there should be a monument erected in your honor.”

“There really should, but I can erect something else while we work on that, you know, as a place holder.”

“Oh really,” Clarke laughed as Bellamy flipped them over. “Hey, that raw deal isn’t in effect just yet, buddy.”

“And you know me, I don’t waste money on anything so we have a whole box of condoms to get through before that doctor’s visit.”

“Well, when you put it that way,” she giggled as Bellamy nuzzled her neck.

-:-

Five weeks later Clarke reads Kenneth Guangco’s obituary in the paper. He dies peacefully surrounded by family—his devoted wife of thirty years, his three children and one grandchild.

There are no mentions of Bellamy and Octavia, but there shouldn’t be. He was just a sperm donor.

She leaves the paper for Bellamy to find it if he wants and she knows he does because he makes love to her that night and whispers over and over how much he loves her, how he’ll always do right by her and their kids, and he’ll always be there.

These are all things she knows deep in her bones, but she lets him repeat it because it makes him feel better and reassures him he’s nothing like that man he read about in the paper who’s a liar and a cheat, someone who didn’t take care of what was his.

Clarke plans on spending the better part of the rest of their lives reminding him he’s ten times the man that guy ever was because Bellamy would do anything for her, for his family, for a friend. He’s the type of man that jumps in front of a bullet for a woman he barely knows, then apologizes to his wife afterwards because he worried her.

Bellamy is a man who never takes anything for granted and Clarke doesn’t take that for granted either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read and kudos and comment!
> 
> I hope to have a whole new story out within the coming weeks so check back.
> 
> Thanks so much for everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Stay tuned for the next part(s?) to come! 
> 
> I'm actually also working on 2 other 100 stories so check back eventually and read those for me, will ya?  
> Thanks :)


End file.
